THE PLEASURE OF CHANGING
Late one night, I walked the labyrinth at Grace Cathedral in San Francisco. I dedicated my walk to “making friends with change,” and cried the whole time. I cried because I’d been running around, trying to “keep all the lids” on change. Of course, it doesn’t work, and new changes were developing all the time!
I spent my energy justifying, explaining, complaining about, or just avoiding the changes that I was experiencing. I really began to see how avidly I was trying to KEEP EVERYTHING THE SAME. It seemed like if I could just keep enough things the same, then I wouldn’t have to change myself, or my views, perspectives, attitudes, or beliefs. This rigidity was preventing me from experiencing the pleasures of change. Perhaps the more I could accept and welcome change, the more I myself could change.
What if all my resistance to changing was me putting my fears onto the world? So that if I distrust change, then I am in effect distrusting the world around me? Hmmm… I want to declare my life to be one big experiment! I want to relish and welcome change, seek out change, and find the pleasure in that. I want to be a gifted quick-change-artist. I want to be able to find the safety within the changes, or change my ideas about safety! I’m writing a letter to change: “Dear Change,I’ve previously been very afraid of you. You weren’t welcome in my home, and I spoke badly about you behind your back. I resisted you, avoided you, and made fun of you. I want to change our relationship. I want to learn to cultivate and respect you, dance with you and take you out to dinner. Let’s travel together! Will you be my everlasting friend?” Love, Me