Today is the day. After years of thinking that I knew what was right for me. Dating and hanging out with men that I thought I could marry, I am finally marrying a man who God picked for me.
He sent him to me and me to him. As I sit in my solitude this morning away from those who love me and in my own hotel room alone, I am at peace. My diva's, children, friends and family are busy setting up the wedding and reception hall, my friend and hairstylist is taking me to the MAC counter to have my make up done and then styling my hair to make me look even cuter than I am now (smile). My cousin has made and designed beautiful wedding cupcakes, the cake lady is finishing the all white/butter cream with roses wedding cake and the caterers and party warehouse folks are on their way. Things are being done on our behalfs and all we can do is say Thank you Lord.
Today will come and go before we know it and so I write this personal blog of what it feels like to be loved by a man who really does like you and want to be with you and one that I like and love.
It has been a year and some change in the making and with each day he shows by example that he loves me. His love is action and not just sex and more sex and more sex. Now the making love is off the heezy don't get me wrong, however that is not ALL it is. He likes my kids, he goes out of his way for them; he loves to have friends and family over for parties and he helps with the set up and entertainment and he loves to cook. We talk every day, several times a day and we see each other every day.
When I call him he answers the phone. For me this is a big thing. Every man that I have ever dated and even the kids baby-daddy-ex-husband would not answer the phone when they didn't feel like it, when they were angry or just because, and we are talking about men in their 40's and 50's!! They would say they didn't hear the phone, didn't think I wanted them to call them back, would hear the voice message and not call back for days on end and often time weeks. I thought this was just to be tolerated so I did. My feelings would be terribly hurt, I would question the relationship but felt that it was the best I could get, so I settled. I tolerated. I pretended it was no big deal. I held my truth to make their outright juvenile behavior ok and for many many years it was just okay. I wanted to believe that the 3 words "I love you" were enough. Young women please listen - they are not.
Love is action. Love is not sex, strange positions, cooking and cleaning and picking up kids, doing homework all alone and paying bills without help - this is not love. Love is more than what they say it is what they do. It may take you years to get it but when you do - OMG, you will look back and say what was I THINKING???!! Oh well lessons learned are ingrained.
Around the age of 51 or so, I stopped tolerating it. It is sad it took that long, but I finally got it. I am indeed the prize. My divasisters told me over and over this truth. They got it years before I did. Finally I got it. And when I got it, the Lord said okay now here you go - a good man, a man who seeks and loves the Lord, a man sent. I say thank you.
We talked this morning - he at our new home and me in my hotel room, finalizing the days upcoming activity. Talking about what we need to do and realizing that we are both starving - hung up to get something to eat.
At 3 o'clock today I will see my friends and family. My 3 fabulous children and my new son will be with us celebrating our wedding. My sons will give me away. My mom and brothers and sister and my new family will be our witnesses. A room of about 200 will promise to help us be true to ourselves and to each other.
At 3:30 I will walk down the aisle, knowing that I am marrying a man that I like and that likes me.
At about 11 pm tonight I will be his wife and he will be my husband. We have talked and know that there will be bumps in the road, however we are committed to our plan to fulfill each other, support our children, welcome the excitement of friends and family.
In each others arms tonight - Mr. and Mrs. Knight!! Woo hoo!!