I walked in the door and saw my sweethearts sister. Gave her a hug and before I knew it, the door opened and out came folks screaming, laughing, camera’s flashing, smiling and yelling Happy Birthday. I cried, I cried, I cried, I looked at him. I hugged and cried some more. I squeezed her neck and I cried some more. I looked at him and cried some more. There was my sister, diva sisters, her husband, my sweethearts sister, brothers, sister-in-law, cousins and wives of cousins, my children, my diva sisters children, friends of my children, his son and him. I didn’t know what to say, I could not believe it. I heard someone say that you do so much for other people we thought it would be nice to do something for you. I was totally unprepared. I was happy. I kissed the kids all over, I tried to hug all of them at one time. I kissed my diva’s, I cried some more. I kissed him. I kissed him and we embraced.
The night before we had gone to a concert and saw Patti LaBelle, the OJays, Babyface, Tank, Frankie Beverly and Maze. The day before he came over and bought me a tweety bird balloon that sang Happy Birthday and red roses. That Monday before I came home and there was a dozen yellow roses in my room. Can you say just plain old spoiled rotten!! Yep, that is me. Ever since the Lord removed the blinders from my eyes and allowed me to see – I am comfortable with who I am and comfortable with where I am. To have someone also be in the same place is a good thing.
While we were all sitting outside, listening to the CD that he made for me – I was at peace. There in the summers heat we all sat. Laughing and telling stories, talking about folks, using terrible language, spilling our guts about what we think about so and so, talking about God, talking about each other, watching our children dance and act silly, listening to Ruby (the pointer) barking because she could not come and jump all over us – I looked at him. I looked at him and I knew that this was the man that God had been preparing for me and I had been prepared for. I realized that all of the rejection I have experienced was just what I needed to get it into my thick heart that a relationship where God is first is what God’s plan for my life has always been. I realized that passionate love without God feels good however for me will never sustain me nor uplift me. God has always been in the forefront of my life and yet I consistently fell head over heels with men who were not actively seeing His will but their will. And because I allowed my heart to think instead of my soul, I was able to make their square peg fit into my round circle. If fit for awhile however within about 6 months I knew it was too tight. God allowed this square to reveal himself by word and action and soon after they left. Excuses – kids, kids too young, I changed my mind, you can’t meet my kids, I’m too tired, you are too happy, I don’t have enough energy to keep up with you, there isn’t enough dinner for all of you and its not what you think it is. Scenes from a movie that came to life. Heart breaks for years and years.
I allowed what they wanted to gloss over what I wanted. What I want is for my children to succeed in life, I want them to be all that they can be, I want them to know that without God there is nothing, I want them to know I love them more than words can express and I want them to know that even though every man that has proclaimed that they love me has snuck away – that I will never leave them nor forsake them. I have told them my heart choices have caused them pain and for that I am sorry. I promised them to never do that again. My words are bonds. My commitment to them is steadfast. I believe that they can do all things. I believe that in their young lives they will know that all men don’t leave and that some men actually back up their talk with action.
I had the best birthday a 52 year old woman coulda’ had. He and I are both exhausted. He from the sheer effort and the time, money and energy it took for him to give me a fabulous weekend – I from the sheer joy of all of the love that I have received this weekend. God is indeed my friend. Amen.