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Why Are Restraining Orders Still So Non-Effective
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I am a survivor of rape, incest, domestic violence, so I write this blog as a person on both sides of this very important subject.

Until last year I always fought to have the restraining order strengthen to protect the victim, government and laws said they would work hard to make the victims safer when they receive a restraining order.

A restraining order is a piece of paper that is suppose to give the victim relief from their abuser, it's suppose to bring comfort to the friends and family of this victim.  Any one who has know someone with a order knows that this is a waste of paper.   How many people have been murder, severely beaten, contacted indirectly or directly by a person named on one of these restraining orders?

We they don't work, on December 27, 2007 I was in a home of a friend babysitting while my friend was taking another child out of town.  The time frame my friend would be gone was only 2 hours.  Just as my friend was leaving another friend showed up, didn't think anything of it, thought it was safe after all this person knew that the child I was babysitting would be in and out of the house.

Well I will call her T came into the house and we were having a conversation about our past relationship that now turned to friends.  A small agreement ensued and I requested her too leave, as she was leaving she threw a can of pop full toward me, striking me in the forehead, stunned I thought she threw a snow ball.  Upon realizing what she did I told her to get out, this is not your home nor mine and the young lad with be home anytime.

She come over to me and asked if I was ok, I told her to get out, I went to the bathroom room to clean up, then she followed me in and got mad cause I wouldn't let her near me, when I was trying to close the door she pushed it open and pushed me toward the bathtub I fell over and she jumped on me, hurting my ribs that were on the bathtub, she began punching me in the head and body, she must of lost her footing because she back off long enough for me to fall to the floor enabling me to cover my face just in time as she began kicking me.   All I can remember was praying for the young lad not to come home or my friends, they didn't need to see this.  T was so angry I thought I was dead but I got the strength to get up, ribs hurting, head pounding, as I was getting up she backed away for the door, as she did I lunged to close the door.

T began yelling to let me in to see how hurt I was, she was going to call 911, I told her to get out this went on for about 15 minutes.  I heard the house door open and close, not sure if my attacker was still in the house until I heard my dog scratching at the bathroom door.

I came out of the bathroom, locked all the doors went back into the bathroom and jumped in the shower to try and stop the pain, as I was in there I heard the dog growling angrily, thank god I locked all the doors, T was back and yelling and swearing to let me in, saying I deserved it and I'm gonna get more.  I didn't go near the doors praying my friend would get back, my friend called letting me know the roads were bad but she would be home soon.

Well later that night I had to go to work, on the way I got a called saying T wants to see me, T is threatening to kill herself, so being a fool, I went to pick her up, mean while keeping someone on my cell at all times, my friend had to police aware of what happened I got her to the hospital in which she told the nurse exactly what was wrong.  I left and went to work and was almost fired for not showing up when asked to.  Hour later the police showed up at my work and informed me that there will be a restraining order effective immediately, I showed him the marks as per his request.  The officer told me there will be no contact.

Well people this was not the case, I have had love letters given to me, T's doctor called me saying he was releasing her to my custody, death threats.    T has failed to comply with the orders the judge set out, not only that she has continuously not kept the peace.

What I have been told by the police is that T has to specifically say tell so-and-so directly, and that they can not do something Until something happens.  I'm sorry I believe that is a person is found guilty of assault, domestic assault then they should go to jail and if there is any form of contact direct or indirect, their butt should be in jail. 

We as survivors should not have to watch our backs every time we go out the door or fear when the phone rings, I live my life as a hermit, this is not fair, I didn't commit this act of violence and I didn't ask for it.

We need the law makers reform this and change it to benefit the victims and their family. The courts have to take action and these parole officers that these criminals have to go to have to act for the benefit of the victim not the criminal. 

What do you think?  Lets here from more people suffering from the inaccuracy of these laws.

2 Comment count
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When the law fails to protect you, protect yourself.

Wende, No one should live in fear of such bullies. You've laid the groundwork by reporting her to the police. And a restraining order does weigh heavily in the minds of jurors. So buy a gun for your home. If she pursues you there, shoot her and claim self-defense.
If become a juror at your trial, you'll walk.

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failing laws

Hi Wende and Dennis .... It scares me to recommend using more violence to try to stop an already violent sequence of events. On the other hand, we hear so many stories of restraining orders that failed to work, tragedy follows. It's the proverbial 'being caught between the rock and the hard place'. I wonder if we should be pressuring our police forces to become more active in educating the public of their ability or lack thereof, in dealing with these situations and partnering with victims. How about local women's groups -- they have very little visibility in many communities. And, as Wende says, pressuring our courts, parole officers, etc. to become more effective, to add some teeth to the current measures.

I'm sorry I don't have any other solutions -- it certainly does appear that laws are so committed to protecting the rights of criminals, they have pushed victims right out of the picture. The idea of protecting yourself is the only recourse, hopefully without resorting to escalating violence. A journal with dates, times, pictures, etc. as evidence and a return to the courts will give you additional ammunition. Can a lawyer give you some advice in further measures to protect yourself -- pass the cost onto the restrainee, T? Wish I could do more -- Wen