Today, at a hall, a contest was held to choose the king of the thieves. Opposite the automatic door, at the end of the hall, and behind a microphone, stood the contest announcer; on his right, the judges' bench, and on his left, a 12 person jury box. In the hall, rows after rows, were seated contestants as well as the public.
When the announcer turned on the mega-watt loudspeakers and amplifiers, good enough for a prison camp, the loose panes of glass started rattling as if a super-sonic jet had flown overhead. The participants, though unfamiliar with eardrum physiology, spontaneously kept their mouths open, showing stained chipped teeth. Additionally, they fortified their defense by other facial gestures such as raised brows, or twitching lips. Screenless windows enticed hordes of flies.
Now under the ear-piercing whistle of a desynchronized amplifier came the following announcement:
The Honorable Dunn Robera, the Chief Justice of the contest, the honorable justices, distinguished jury, contestants and the audience, we are here to choose the king of the thieves. Before hearing the distinguished contestant's self-Introductory speech, I'm afraid, I have to reiterate the limitations already published in the papers. OK? Here we are:
The following groups of individuals may not participate in this contest:
o All convicted bandits, jailed or at-large, irrespective of the value of the property robbed.
At this moment, the seated and standing crowd started booing the announcer to the extent that he had to maximize the amplifier volume to surpass the booing, saying:
o What's the matter with you all? Someone replied:
o We cancelled our activities to come here and take part in a fair and just contest. If a bandit cannot take part, then, who the hell can? The announcer replied:
o As a bandit, you could have applied for the job of a jury member.
o I didn't wanna be a jury. What about the job of justices?
o I am afraid those jobs were not open to public. The right to appoint justices is vested in chief of state's power. Besides, I don't think you ever were an inch close to be appointed.
o I am the umpteenth generation of bandits in this region. How could you dare say so?
o Like I said, you were not an inch close to being appointed. Turning to the chief justice, the announcer continued,
o May I, sir? The chief justice gave his consent. Now the announcer went on,
o If in doubt, I can give you and the audience hard evidence as to the extent of dedication and sacrifices involved in this appointment. Now, turning to the chief justice, he said,
o Sir, may I ask you to raise your right hand, please? The chief justice obediently raised his amputated hand up as hard evidence of stealing. Additionally he grabbed his crotches and walked off the desk and forward and showed the crowd his amputated right foot as a second attempt of stealing. Following chief justice's presentation, other justices and juries in unison raised their amputated hands and feet. Silence fell upon the hall. The announcer, satisfied, continued: