I feel sorry for rich people.
According to an article in The New York Times, the wealthy have been living in “self-imposed austerity” for almost a year. Turns out, frugality is fatiguing. The rich are now absolutely itching to spend some money but remain concerned that any obvious displays of wealth might make all the have-nots go cuckoo jealous so have devised a plan of inconspicuous consumption sure to keep calm the masses.
Don’t ever say rich people never did anything for you.
The following tips can be used to subtly disguise luxury goods from “the normals” who have a tendency to blame rich people for the economy, unemployment, health care woes and the reason a humble pair of jeans now costs more than a day’s pay.
• Wear fur coats turned inside out. The normals will think you are wearing a shiny cloth coat.
• With a felt tip marker, transform all the “L”s of your Louis Vuitton signature bags and luggage into “D”s. The normals, uneducated in these things, will think “DV” stands for Dianne Von Furstenberg, a label everyone can afford, right?
• If you must fly commercial airlines, (not recommended) make sure you are last in line to board the aircraft. That way you won’t have to endure the longing looks of all those coach class people as they pass through on their way to their tiny, tacky, legroom-less seats.
• Use sunscreen with an SPF of at least 30. If, despite your best efforts, you pick up a bit of color while relaxing in the Caribbean, San Tropez, or any one of the Meds, be sure to speak in a loud voice about your most recent session at Tan-O-Ramma Plus Pedis.
• If a normal, admiring your youthful appearance, asks straight up if you’ve “had work done,” assume an expression of surprise at the mere suggestion. With enough Botox, this will not be difficult.