v. changed, chang·ing, chang·es
a. To cause to be different
b. To give a completely different form or appearance to; transform:
2. To give and receive reciprocally; interchange
3. To exchange for or replace with another, usually of the same kind or category
It’s a basic component of human existence…change.
Sometimes we throw it around like an ill-used four-letter word and other times ignore it so as to turn abruptly and smack into it. Often we can hide out somewhat successfully, avoid life as much as possible but change will get you. You can ignore, lie to yourself, cheat and steal…but change will always get you.
Whether it’s the crow’s feet, your parent’s passing or the times and how they are “ a changin”…its inevitable. So faced with unavoidable truth some call upon it, coax it into existence, then either pull back or jump into it-committed.
Committed to what we don’t often know (perhaps to the expectations or beliefs we have), or to the moment and the fact that things will not remain the same. The worse experience of change of course being as in ol’ back-in-the-day cartoons, the piano falls on your head…OUCH.
With the work I do, I often suggest to people that they alter beliefs or how they are seeing what is actually occurring…when they say, “It’s who I am”…part of me wants to cry out, “No, its who you are choosing to be.”
We seem to think that we are a static entity composed of rules and designations created by our nature and nurture and anything different is---does not compute, does not compute. Honestly, there is a static part of ourselves that clings to dear life! The EGO. Change brings about fear because its very nature, transformation implies, in fact demands, an ending…a petit morte and not the hot, explosive “O” kind. And I’m not talking about Oprah here…
In many instances, and thank God they come often…I see a glimmer of acknowledgement or a sigh of relief and hear “ ahhh there is another way!” I jump for joy. Connecting to a greater awareness is what I live for!
Before the New Year, as most gather together thoughts of the past year and things they’d like to “change”, I was faced with some truths that needed my attention and my conscious surrender to change. I knew that making these “changes” would literally alter my landscape as they entailed releasing friendships that no longer served me, ideas about reality that no longer supported the YES! to the Universe I was seeking and a close relationship that truly had outworn its welcome.
I basically and quite overnight faced the fact that childbearing might not be in my future if I didn’t make some quick decisions. So I did. So quickly in fact, that I was sent spinning and was sporting the PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) foggy gaze for about two weeks. As I let go of the familiar, I was shell-shocked and felt a bit like a vagabond wandering unknown streets…yes, with no names in fact.
My mind and spirit jumped in doing whatever it took and my heart and body dragged behind. Hormone free meat(I’m not ready to go vegan…have patience), organic fruits and veggies, herbs, exercise, meditation, visualizations and lots o’healing.
Yea, the kind you say, “No, I looked at that with my therapist years ago, no I burned that in the Sacred Fire or I saged that away at the last waning moon, No…I’ve done inner child work- really I have. Not! I had to look at some core experiences and beliefs that had shaped some of the things that were manifesting in my life.
Carolyn Myss, bestselling author & medical intuitive states that “our biography becomes our biology.” As I looked at my very healthy physical past and now realized that I had stuffed all my stress, angst and worries in one place. It was like my body was a house, well-made, strong, lots of light, plenty of space but I had stuffed all the extra stuff laying around in what I thought was a closet…turns out that it was supposed to be the baby’s room. What to do now but research, study and employ all tools necessary to move the stuff outta the room? And as quickly as possible, please.
So, here I am in a foreign country...the land of my foremothers and forefathers but I had not visited in 20 years-um yes, foreign. From cab to lab, to food to family, to cab to hotel and back to clinicians, my life took on an otherworldly, disembodied aspect. Nothing was familiar and this intense unfamiliarity increased the pressure pot sensation. While doctors ran around saying OPERATE!, family worried, friends prayed back home and I was overwhelmed…yes I called out to God.
Now, we actually have a relationship, it’s not a fair-weather friend sorta relationship either. I thank God during teary-eyed joyful times, and I honor Great Spirit with my spiritual practice and I call on the Goddess as I dance, breathe, make love or take luxurious baths. If there is one thing I know in this ever changing world is that there is an energy, a force a spark inside of me (and everyone else) that connects us to home, To all that Is and that in essence we are ONE.
Soon unexpected meetings, information, heavenly assistance as well as a loving ex suddenly supporting me in ways he never had during our relationship began evolving. The negative influences seemed to fall away from my life almost overnight as I committed myself to changing.The lovely coincidences, my sisterhood, the online specialists, the forums,
the healers, the shaman and Cabildo priest and priestess I met... all comprise my team of allies on this particular mission for change. It may take a village to raise a child, how about to re-birth one? I'll let you know when I'm done...as if we are ever done until we are "done" at least in physical form.
As I turned into 2011 I realized that I don't know the outcome of this wild ride and that I am at peace with it. I feel lighter ( and I literally am!), hopeful, ecstatic even! As I let go of the old, as I forgive and release what no longer serves me I am a co-conspirator in letting go of what I thought I was going to be, to become what I am becoming. And I tell you...I LIKE it!
I made a call, a request to the Universe for support and thankfully I was open enough to listen. As you turn into this 2011 year and perhaps watch your life shift, maybe crumble and your faith in the future sorta flag a bit...reach out. Reach out to your team of allies, your peeps, your tribe...if they are lacking make a request for new ones! We can't avoid change so why not be a willing participant?
Everything She touches changes...