Now that I'm writing again I've come up an interesting conflict. I've come to realize that I don't want to be famous. Of course many people who have read my writing would argue that fame isn't something I need to worry about. Writing is my hobby. While I want people to read my works, and give me an honest opinion, I am really just writing for myself.
Some argue that my attitude is a cop-out. Saying that I don't want fame as a way of rationalizing my lack of success. Maybe they're right. Maybe I'm just too much of a coward to take on the responsibility of fame. If I write a book and it's a huge success and I go on all the talk shows, then what? Then I have to write a better book or all those people will say I let them down. I've already learned that if I feel like I have to write something it looses its joy and joyless words interest me not.
Besides, have you ever met a happy famous person? I met one, but that was Paul Newman. Every other person I've met who appeared anywhere on the scale of fame was either an emotional basket case, a total asshole or in some cases both. In my most recent encounter with fame was on the N-Judah streetcar. This guy got on that I recognized from a TV show I recently watched. He strutted down the aisle looking from side-to-side for any sign of recognition. When he got none he frowned and slumped into a seat. His claim to fame? He's a finalist on American Ninja Warrior. Obviously the world should be at his feet.
Carlos Castenada wrote about power, warning to be careful because most people do not wield their power but rather are ruled by their power. Look at Donald Trump. His power has destroyed all that was once human in him.
So without fame how do we measure our success? I have a wonderful family. A funky roof over my head. Dogs to keep my lap warm. Bike rides in the park. What more could I want?