Football was my faith of origin complete with foam finger, NFL altar and so many pictures of Joe Montana my parents’ housekeeper believed he was their son. Today, I am a recovered football fanatic. Perhaps it was the corporate greed, stadia name changes to honor egos rather than communities, Jerry Rice traded to the Raiders, or, men showing up just before kick-off with a six-pack and children they assumed I’d watch?
But this year, in solidarity with New Orleans I watched the Super Bowl and delighted in the Saints’ victory. Besides who doesn’t love a game with tight ends and lots of hugging? And, I admit, I’m an eternal optimist. I wanted to believe that winning the Superbowl would mean something, that despite Fox and tea bag crazies we as a nation can grow up. I want to believe that New Orleans devastated by storm and victimized by a morally bankrupt administration and a complicit nation can rise from the ashes. But on the way to the trophy Sunday, a story of even greater proportions was brought to my attention. The American penis is under attack!
Persecuted by American women’s demands that they pick up their socks, wipe their own noses and wash their own underwear, the American male is no longer free to be the little boy only his mother could love. The American woman--did you see the footage? ruffling feathers when asked to simply lay her eggs--expects a man to wake up on time, brush his own teeth and walk his own damn dog! Where are Amnesty International and the Jewish Fund for Justice when such persecution is being inflicted on the disadvantaged among us?
Thank God and Henry Ford for the American automobile, there is still a sacred place that honors the endangered one-eyed trouser serpent. (I wonder who keeps those cars so clean and shiny!) And, thank you Betty White for taking one for the team; American men need to express their pain in the only way they seem to know how.
Perhaps I was wrong all those years ago, going to a bar with girlfriends to watch the game rather than staying home to empty bags of chips into bowls the men couldn’t manage and care for children they couldn’t watch. I had no idea of the depth of their despair.
Causes Teresa Burns Gunther Supports
Alameda County Meals on Wheels, Union of Concerned Scientists; Planned Parenthood; ACLU, Women for Women, International; La Clinica; Kasimu Education Fund...