The first we knew of it, the 'one cubic' (local parlance for 1 cubic metre = 1000 litre) water tank in our garage ran dry. This is not an uncommon experience in Crete and the procedure is routine. We take a short drive, 100 yards up the 'main' road, turn left, 200 yards down the track to the fig tree by the bridge over the stream, park the SUV, clamber down the bank and there it... Oh, that's odd.

 All that remains is the open end of the pipe, ‘our’ water pouring into the stream. Asking the police to investigate would be an exercise in futility so we close the valve, buy and fit a new meter. Calm and our water supply are restored.

A year later, not having received a water bill, we proceed to the Town Hall. The Water Bill Man, who knows us by sight from previous paying expeditions, explains that we have not been sent a bill because they do not know where our new meter is. We point out that it is, unsurprisingly, in the same place as its predecessor. He smiles encouragingly and hands us a standard form - in Greek - which we must complete, to include a sketch map showing the location of our new meter. Tempting though it is to point out the absurdity of this request, argument with the implacable monolith of Greek bureaucracy would be another exercise in futility. We take the form, complete it (with the aid of a Cretan friend) and return it. Simple, really. We now have both water and bills.