Each moment leads to the next moment. They are each new, and yet bare similarity in some fashion to the one that came before. It doesn’t hurt that I have been reading Siddartha by Herman Hesse, nor that I have felt an ongoing connection to Zen Buddhist philosophies for years. What speaks to my life more than to attempt to sit within each moment I live?
I am the type of person who wakes up each day and wonders what the meaning of it all is. Even with this weight on my mind, I put one foot in front of the other and find things to be cheerful about and do. I like to do for others. It makes me feel like there is some meaning to my existence. Hence, I found my way to the world of teaching. In everything I teach in a classroom; as I teach it again and again, I get to deepen my understanding of the how’s and whys. How math problems work in a certain way, why grammar operates as it does, and how it is related to what my students and I do on a daily basis in our lives. Study is in itself a form of meditation. Like studying a koan, I imagine.
I appreciate when I give myself the space and time to write, like now. It is somewhat built in to only teaching part-time, a situation I sought to allow myself the time and space to study math in an attempt to try and better my monetary position in our western civilization. But I know that money is not the ultimate thing, space to have thoughts and feelings is. Space to organize a calm existence is, to have the internal room to sit within myself, and appreciate and observe what comes and goes.