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My Vote Is For - No More Drama!



I have known very blonde Heather for a few years now through the online social group scene. I have generally been careful about becoming friends with new people and try to choose people whom are positive and fun to have a mid week after work drink, meal, or phone conversation with.


Heather used to come to a standing Sunday late afternoon, celebrating our last minutes of freedom pizza event I would host at Dino’s, a local pizza hole in the wall with a tasty and not pricey pie and pitcher of beer. I generally avoided talking to Heather much, as she seemed very angry and hated her teaching job, had nothing but negative things to say about the world at large, especially our field.


Fast forward to a few years later, and she had become a bubbly personality who could hold a normal conversation about teaching, but mostly just wanted to share information about her dating life in a very public seemingly funny way. She would tell all about the various men she was dating, had apparently gone through a divorce a few years before. Many a night she would show groups of us Valley Happy Hour peeps her phone “system”, where she categorized the men she met online and either was dating currently or had dated, their names became cataloged with either an A or a Z before. This told her whether to answer the phone for that number anymore, and whether the guy had any potential.


Heather likes to golf, enjoys fast cars, and claims to love a college football team whose school she never went to. I joke with the people who come to our meetup group, that when my husband and I had tried Valley Happy Hour originally we found it distasteful. The owner of the group managed to cultivate a group of odd adults, and it was just unappealing. These few years later I joke that in came the cute blonde Heather to host events, and the cute boys followed suit as potential suitors to Heather, resulting in the cute and fun ladies joining as well, as opposed to the weirdos a few years earlier. And on the cycle goes.


Unfortunately blonde Heather has a penchant for drama and likes to cultivate that aura about her. Having a very promiscuous gay brother, I have learned not to get attached to anyone he is currently “dating”, as it just ends in heartbreak for anyone close to him. Lots of great advice winds up falling on deaf hormones. The same goes for blonde Heather. I try to not have opinions about the men I watch her work her way through and date. I know they may come and go, and I certainly am not auditioning them for myself. I happen to have a fantastic life partner, decent job, and many activities that don’t include other people’s cultivated drama to keep me busy, when I remember this fact to myself.


In walks Doug. The first time Doug showed up at a pub I didn’t think twice about him, other than he couldn’t seem to dress himself and had his too far open shirt collar tucking into his shirt on one side. I tend to show up to an event, socialize, and go the heck home.


A few months later the four of us have been out a few times, and Doug has replaced Mickey, who we also tolerated as a fourth wheel just fine.  I have found there are only so many times a female friend can tell me negative things about her man before I form opinions. And perhaps blonde Heather is just bored and needs to cultivate attention in this negative way.


My cue to leave that nonsense behind, and hear it with a grain of salt (and perhaps a shot of anejo!) For the past few weeks I’ve been accumulating in my mind stories of how Doug has a blonde “friend”, not Heather, whom is his best friend. How this chick hates Heather. How all of Doug’s friends hate her, he has so kindly told her so. How he never calls when he says he will, claims to love Heather, but shows up randomly. And he certainly hasn’t talked with any certainty about what he does for a living. He will be very vague and talk about finances, script writing, and then bore you to unfocus with talk of the good old days of being an extra in horror films. I can barely be bothered to pay attention when he speaks, he just bores me out of my skin if we get stuck in the same place on a Friday night. He does, however, make a good salsa, and roast some mean and tasty pumpkin seeds! 


Stupidly I allowed him on my facebook. Up went a picture of himself and his “friend” half naked in a bikini on a very cold looking day, smashing her boob into his face earlier this week, prompting me to delete him from my site. Should have blocked him. I thought I was standing up for Heather, and wasn’t he on his way out soon anyways? As my brother will point out, I have even deleted him from my fb. I like it only for the current events it allows for, and break from traffic while sitting waiting for red lights. No drama please.


Doug through a hissy fit at Heather that he was so hurt I did this, and told her I was just jealous. Even if I weren’t married to the most awesome husband and match for myself possible, I never would have dated a degreeless man whom in his forties lives with roommates, smokes, and can’t tell you squarely what it is he does for a living.


Friday night I, blonde Heather and a few ladies went out to happy hour. Two supposed to be tasty and slightly dirty martinis later, plus a rum drink for myself; Heather headed to her car to put change in her meter. Her phone was sitting to my right. She had been complaining that Doug was home all weekend, and she really didn’t want to see him. Apparently in my inebriated state I picked up her phone and DELETED Doug out of HER fb! Then took a picture of the cocktail in front of me and sent it to him. Apparently a nice fuck you to him as she does nothing but complain about him. The photo a look at the fun time we’re having! 


Dramatic call from blonde Heather and txts followed the next day when I was up. OMG! Look at this picture Doug sent me! Look at that napkin with the bar’s logo! He was where we were last night, and STALKING me!


I explained what I recalled, that I took a picture of my food and sent it to my husband, and took a picture of the drink with her phone and sent it to Doug, he wasn’t stalking her. I really had forgotten the rest.


Sunday morning I was out walking my boys, and stupidly took my phone. Doug sent me a long nasty email about how I ruin people’s lives. Only semi concerned about his email I contacted Heather. She’d been busy cultivating her drama. Something about a football game, he was supposed to be out of town, she didn’t let him come…oh, and I had deleted him from her fb. I couldn’t recall that detail, and then thought about it. Oh! I did do that! Called and confessed.


Wrote a half-hearted apology to Doug. Heather texted me several more times and really wanted to just hang out, but I had to work all day, being responsible and all, and had to do my brother’s hair to boot.


I could really give a shit about Doug. If Heather stays with him, alright. If she dumps him, fine too. I just have too many things to do to care all that much beyond needing to not have drama dumped into my over taxed brain in my down minutes, and need to remind myself to not get involved! And oh ya, stick to sodas for a few weeks so I don’t “help out” and commit unsavory acts I forget about as I am doing them.