Last year on this day I took a nice walk through Griffith Park with a newly wed couple of exotic Angelinos and my husband Daniel. From last January til now: I took calculus a third time, and with the help of the fabulous tutor who lived in his office, I passed this very difficult for me course.
Over the summer Daniel and I spent some lovely warm summer days and nights on the Caribbean in Cancun in a very affordable sublet, inspired by stories I read way back of Simone de Beauvoir and her every changing scenery and trips around France to small towns to inspire her pen and mind.
In Cancun I finished writing the first rough draft of my first book. It sits in its raw form on a shelf. I sat through a seminar at Antioch and applied to embark on an M.F.A. in Creative Non-Fiction. The program would start next January, I made sure, so I would have some down time to recover from studying all of this math. This May I will complete my final math class for this second credential, a process I began the summer of 2009. Because CSUN was trying to increase their numbers, and even though I am alum and have been working with a CSUN math advisor, I have to apply to for this credential on my own; print out the state’s own printed words, and on Excel create a spread sheet showing the relation of what they required and what I took. Doug Johnson has been most unhelpful playing his game of politics there at CSUN. So putting together the paper work on my own and sending it off to the state should take some effort, and then it may take a good year to get this second credential I worked so hard on. From there, there are decisions to be made.
If I get accepted to Antioch, I will stay put at my job. I will only let them assign me five classes to teach, and even five classes, using different grammar books and readers for three literature classes, makes the planning intense. I will certainly make a few more demands before we sign a contract; have a list ready to bargain from with things I really do want and things that would make my life easier.
If I do not get accepted to this one program I applied for, I may look into having kids, which for Daniel and I means the fertility doctor dance as it was discovered he has low sperm count, meaning their motility and strength are low as well. It seems the fertility route means a high probability of twins or triplets, and is really something to think about. Had we been able to have children naturally, there would be nothing to think about. Which is ironic in many, many ways. I would have told my young self to just get pregnant, married or not if I had been interested in being a mom. Or just to stay with an early boyfriend, I know in my heart I could have stayed with and been married at least five times to five different men, but always sought more education and greener pastures as it were for my life. Yet the one I am with, while amazing as a person, is not fertile at all in the way of child creation.
And then there is that summertime travel I work hard to earn every year. If I get accepted to Antioch, I will consider still taking us to Australia, somewhere Daniel really wants to go, and has a brother living there now for many years. Or maybe we’d just spend some weeks investigating Portland, and saving the money to pay for the education I wish to embark on the coming year.
Either way, this year has ended with Daniel and I being busier with work than either of us have been in years. I seek a calmer schedule, to continue my five-mile walks I have been taking since November, and to see the pieces of my transitional year fall where they may.