She wants to step out into the rain. She wants to let the raindrops wash away her pain. She wants to open her arms, close her eyes and walk into oblivion.
She wants. She wants.
Who is she? Why is she here? Is anything ever going to fill the huge hole inside her heart that grows bigger by the day? Or will the abyss suck her in, instead?
She loves the rain, though she hates the darkness that descends with it.
A sparrow sits on the window sill, huddled to itself. Wet. Alone.
There is a loud banging on the door. She lets out a small cry, wrapping her arms around herself.
"Open the door!" He bellows and keeps on banging. She moves quickly and pulls at the bolt. He barges in, knocking her down. He shoves her out of the way. He goes to the corner where she has kept his roti wrapped in the greasy cloth. She drags herself to the other side, pulling her knees against her chest.
Fixing her with his piercing gaze he gobbles his food, washing it down with large gulps of water from the earthen pot. She watches the water dribble from the corner of his mouth and disappear into his thick, wet beard.
He gets up. She cringes. He walks towards her. She closes her eyes. To the roughness of his impatient hands. The feel of his heavy breath on her face.
Slowly, she stirs. He is asleep.
She gathers herself, and walks to the window. It is still raining. Long strings of tears.
She has lost count of the days. She has died many deaths since that day. She had to go, in exchange. She had looked into Shah's eyes. Searching. Questioning. They were hard. And cold. He had taken the money. Smelled it. Kissed it. Led her out . And closed the door behind her.
No one asked her. No one had to. It was the way.
There is a clap of thunder. Still, he sleeps.
Something inside her struggles. Something hardens. Something breaks.
She gets up and walks to the door. She pulls the heavy bolt aside and steps out. She opens her arms, closes her eyes and lifts her face to the sky. The rain beats down on her face. And runs down. Down her bruised lips. Over her bleeding heart. Soothing. Cleansing.
She takes a small step forward. Then another. And another. Into the engulfing darkness. Into oblivion...