I haven't seen or spoken with my mother since last September. In October, I got an email or two, and that's been it for contact. This was because of a family meltdown around my father's death and several very nasty allegations made my way by one of my sisters, that sister being the one living close to Mom and consequently having a lot of influence on her.
According to KidOne and Kidtwo, Mom is very distressed by my refusal to talk to her. They say she's unable to connect the incidents of last year to my silence, that she's slipping quite a bit mentally and so it's not fair to take out on her my anger towards my sister.
It's a real conundrum, with real risks. My said sister has said I'm committing elder abuse, insurance fraud, and letting KidThree run a crack house. When my car got backed up into by a truck, she said I staged the accident. She was instrumental in having Mom change her locks to keep me and/or KidThree and/or KidThree's friends from robbing her, and having me banned from driving her cars because I might smash them into something (or smash them with something--supposedly I was likely to take a sledgehammer to them).
Mom was somehow forbidden to talk to me, whether by my dad or my sister, I don't know. She denied that, but there was clear evidence to the contrary.
All of that puts me at serious risk if I hang around my mother. Visiting her home is out. Driving her cars is out. But I want to see my mother, and want to get this hassle off KidOne's and KidTwo's shoulders (because KidTwo lives with her through the end of this month and KidOne has her great-granddaughter, in whom she delights).
But I'm creeped out by the thought of seeing my mother. When I see her in my mind's eye, it's with two popsicle stick puppets bouncing up and down behind her head, one each of that sister and her husband, both of whom say nothing but laugh maniacal Woody Woodpecker laughs as they leer at me from over her shoulders.
I told KidOne and KidTwo that I would consider having contact with Mom, in a neutral place where we could be away from the specters of those two. In another town. Maybe we could have lunch.
Goodness only knows what we'd talk about. What I want to know, of course, is why all of this happened, who triggered it (my dad, I'm sure), why it's been perpetuated. Why that sister was telling all and sundry at Dad's memorial service of all my alleged misdeeds.
That would do no good, however, given the reports of her decline. She might not remember who said what and why, she might say one thing to me but be persuaded to think something else by my sister, and in the long run, that sister is the one running things and the one who will be conservator when that time comes.
It looks like it's lunch and only lunch for Mom and me. And maybe a movie.