When I came out of the hospital, I was searching my cut off roots, my mind blank, hazy, my eyes with their dazed lost look , my gait wobbly, purposeless. The struggle with death had left me limp. I lacked zeal and I knew all the while I was unable to regain my lost valour. But I wasn't rushing things either. I was picking on energy, trying to make out what people were speaking in general. I had been cut off from general public over two months. I did not feel for them like I had felt earlier. Their conversations were trivial to me, I lacked a subject to connect to them. I looked at them vaguely, and told my colleague one day, " Saroj, I do not have a topic to discuss. And all that they speak hear on the table does not matter to me. I feel I do not belong here or anywhere. I find I am a burden a misfit, like a square peg in a round hole or viceversa." She consoled that I had been very sick and it will take time to come back to normal, I just shrugged for I did not have the confidence left to talk to people even. I wondered all the while whether I will be back to my old sporty ,friendly, lively, self. I had nothing to think about, so I thought of writing a story........
A bizarre story, a total fantazy, that has nothing to do with reality.
As I began writing, the character began to come alive amidst a plot, a reason began for her existance, a principle she fought for, a love she nurtured, her struggles, her friends, her enemies, her life and trifles , I gave her a real kingdom, made her a queen, and as the story progressed , it got connected to reality........I gave her a name too PHOEBI (FIBI) ..
Today the story has given a purpose to my life, I have a goal now, a dream to dream, a destination to reach.....The tale of Phoebi has begun to change my life.......is helping me find myself...and I am glad!
Causes Sumathi Mohan Supports
Child education, eradication of child labour and child marriages, promotion of education in slum areas. free thinking. MV Foundation, Hyderabad. CRY.