SAN FRANCISC0, Feb. 26, 2001 - “By day,” says Tanisha, a brunette, “I shape young minds as a kindergarten school teacher. But on weekends, I’m an XFL cheerleader.”
If I had teacher’s who looked like her, I might have been ruined for life. Or something.
Then there is Traci, who works in the Silicon Valley and appears to have, uh, taken some home with her. “But on weekends,” says this San Francisco Demons’ cheerleader, “I rock.” To make reference to a worn-out metaphor, she will get your hard drive up and running!
Alright, alright, it is time for the obligatory XFL cheerleaders’ story. But why not? The 34,737 at Pac Bell Park on Sunday was mostly male, and there is no hiding that the marketing of this league, and much of the game hype, involves these lovely ladies, who look like porn chick feature dancers at the New Century.
Not that I would know, but guys talk. I am also not complaining. The Demons’ dancers are all gorgeous, and a look throughout the XFL indicates that the quality of their sideline sirens is better than the stodgy old NFL.
Shapely women are not the only things that make an XFL game interesting, though. The football is okay, but not great. As the season wears on, offensive action will catch up to defense. The real story is that Vince McMahon has taken a concept that works in the WWF, transferred it to football, and frankly it is good entertainment.
Baseball, for instance, should have cheerleaders, and it is my guess that they will within two years. You heard it here first. Professional sports of all kinds could take some lessons from the XFL experience, which includes big-screen “in your face” interviews from personalities like “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, and participants in that day’s game, plus some darned good music.
The tunes are not just the too-loud stuff that Generation Xers listen to, but genuine rock classics that include “Running With the Devil” by Van Halen, “Highway to Hell” and “Hells Bells” by AC/DC. There is more reference to hell than in a Peter Blatty novel, which of course makes sense since the team mascot is presumably a member of Satan’s workforce. The fans loved it, but I do not know what the Vatican’s position is on this issue.
“Sweet Child Of Mine” still kicks butt, although it is disconcerting when the camera picks up the dancers a few feet away from a 10-year old kid. I enjoyed Metallica’s classic “Sandman” and, to really reach into the archives, how about Johnny Cash’s “Ring of Fire” reaching a new generation?
Back to the girls. Tunes by Blondie, “Shake Your Money Maker” and particularly Rick James’ carnal “Kinky Girl” can leave a man thinking some very bad thoughts. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.
In keeping with the Lucipher theme, the “Hell Hole,” located in the end zone section where baseball right field would be, consists of a group of particularly rowdy fans, including one joker who strips to his waist and gyrates with the music. This guy is amusing enough to merit an occasional glance away from the girl’s. An occasional glance.
Aside from salaries, the league puts up $100,000 to be split by all team members of each winning game. Losers get the donut. When the play-offs roll around, the ante is raised to $250,000.
My only real complaint is the long delays, presumably for television. That is why I still prefer baseball, but I am a traditionalist. Who thinks cheerleaders are a dandy idea.
Causes Steven Travers Supports
Conservative, Christian, USC, American patriotism