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Two righties, two lefties

The presidential election has it covered as usual: two to the right, two to the left. The VP candidates are rightihanders, the presidential candidates are lefties (no need to name names, but one's a Red Roomer). Is history being made? Not really.

In `92 we had three prominent lefties running for prez: Clinton, H.W. Bush and Ross Perot. The VP candidates were poor, neglected righties.

Almost a repeat in `96, when Clinton ran against Dole, who was probably a natural rightie and a hell of a basketball player at Kansas U., but lost the use of his right arm in WWII so became a leftie.

The president, meanwhile, momentarily lost the use of something more important than his arm _ we speak of his mind, not that other thing _ when he said ``I did not have sex with that woman,'' but then recovered with the brilliant ``it depends on what is is'' (I paraphrase.)

The VP candidates were, yet again, righties and said _ or did _ nothing as interesting as that.

Will we ever again have a righthanded president? Seems unlikely. Rghthanders are nice people and all that, but are always doing silly things, getting it all wrong, kind of goofy, like our current president, who once talked with his mouth full at an important luncheon.

Maybe, someday, they (righthanders) will figure it out. But for now it doesn't look good. For instance, all the righthanded jokes, such as, ``He's got two right feet,'' those have got to stop before there's any progress in the righthanded world.

For as it now stands, righthanders are restricted to playing quarterback in the National Football League, running hedge funds and playing the violin in symphony orchestras. (Think of the chaos a few lefthanded violinists would cause in the midst of twenty righthanded violinists _ bows would be flying everywhere.)

Still, righthanders are quick to point to some accomplished representatives of their righthandedness, among them Woody Allen and Mussolini.

(For an outstandingly brilliant piece on lefthanded presidents and others go to go to my February 14 blog on Obama, Ben Franklin, Marilyn Monroe and others.)

But the only hope for righthanders, really, is to learn to write lefthanded, but there are dangers: the supremely gifted songwriter Cole Porter was a leftie and when his teachers tried to covert him to the right, as was done to Joe Lieberman, he developed a stutter and never did learn to write in cursive _ with either hand, for heaven's sake.

So let's just let the righthanders be. After all, one's going to be our new VP. And that's . . . well, not much but something.