It's sunny and 66 degrees here in the San Luis Valley. Sometimes I find it hard to write on days like this. I write better on cloudy days or late at night. I'm not sure why that is. Yet, I sit here on my couch, daughter playing in her room, television off, and it seems like a perfect, still moment to write.
I just uploaded some new pictures that I took in the last week. Here in the valley, I have a perfect view of sunrises over the mountains. I've received many compliments on the photographs that I've taken recently. It makes me wonder why it took until the age of 41 for me to be able to express and share my creativity. I've written since childhood, but I always kept my poems hidden. I've taken nature photographs for many years, but I never really showed them to anybody. And now that I've completed a doctoral degree and am in my 40's, somehow I am willing nurture the creativity within me and, more importantly, share it with others.
I suppose a part of that is due to the internet and email. It's so much easier now to share your thoughts and creations. Yet, I know it's much more than that. I think it comes down to confidence. I always struggled with a lack of confidence. I cared way too much what others thought of me. That comes from being raised in small town Kansas, and by small town, I mean the town had a population of 800 when I lived there. I'm at a point in my life where I still care what others think, but it certainly doesn't define me or guide my decisions. I believe my confidence came through the self-awareness I gained while completing a doctoral degree, and the accomplishment of earning the degree. I take pride in being genuine. I'm an authentic woman with strengths and flaws, and I am at a point in my life where I want to truly understand what makes me unique, and then share that with others. Isn't that what creativity is all about?
So, this takes me back to my history of writing only on cloudy days or late at night. Maybe there's a connection. Maybe in my mind it's alright to write on gloomy days or in the dark of night. Are those more acceptable? Do I feel hidden? I'm not sure, but I do know that my goal is to write in the light of day. It's time.