Buddha Hoga Tera Baap or Qabar Mein Hoga Tera Dada
A near-to-grave shooter (Amitabh Bachchan) returns from Paris to finish one last job. He takes offence to O(ld) word. He can sing, dance, mouth dialogs like an old man (that he is) but is craving to be a hero (that he was). He acts as a central character but is a character artist. And that is where he tumbles. And takes the movie along with him. Hema Malini (his on-screen wife) cannot even begin to act as budhi as it only a one-buddha show. And what a waste of a young pair of Sonu Sood (Buddha’s on-screen son) and Sonal Chauhan. This sums up the movie. Is Amitabh setting a crude example for old men (read lechers) to degenerate even further or is he thinking young women of today will fall for a Buddah. He definitely has grand ideas. It is a marvel he could make this movie. Sporting a wig that looks like his head has been fixed into it (and not the other way round) and hiding sagging cheekbones and jaw under a grey French beard is a marvel. It seems as if his mouth has been fixed in the French beard. And those green glares on his sunken eyes makes one wonder if an eighth wonder is hiding behind them. And those loud shirts – the less said, the better. And Harley Davidson must be cringing carrying an oldie. With the amount of work done on his face, he is definitely a medical marvel. Are the teeth his. He should have promoted the movie with Sonu Sood and Sonal Chauhan young pair. May be it would have fetched better box office opening. He is no Kamal Hassan (Indian) or Rajnikant, who has a dedicated fan following that will lap up any offering with or without wig. Rajni is the true hero, an evergreen superstar. Amitabh needs a wig to act. At 68 that is to be expected. Film press is sold out cronies. Excellent press reviews for everything the grand old man does but alas the cinema halls are empty. An excellent publicity creator and promotional baba, his rhetoric lasts till press conferences and social networking sites. But the battlefield of cinema halls wears a deserted look even before the screening can begin. An artist should accept both positive and negative (constructive) criticism but Amitabh can take only “positive’ one. Rest all comments are blocked. His laurels rest in company of young heroes where he mouths grand dialogues. On his own, he cannot guarantee a solo hit. Neither can his son or even daughter-in-law. An ageing man with an ageing family cannot come to grip with his reality. If his colleagues are polite enough to praise his idiotic act too, he shouldn’t expect paying public to be so gracious. Cinema is a visual medium. Age has nothing to do with acting or talent but a fan craves for a hero he can emulate and look like. Why will anyone go to watch a near-grave personality acting as if he is about to be born. Dileep Kumar (88) retired gracefully. Dev Anand (87) makes his own movies once in a while and that too is tolerable. Dharmendra is a pleasure occasionally with his zany act at 75. They also have their own lives apart from cinema. But it is only this Buddha, who is promoting every hour a reality that can never materialise. His is a case of desperation. Classic example is BHTB, which he has made for himself. When he has loads of money he can do that but he should set aside some time to teach his son how to act. Or a new generation will come and he will go on shaking. BHTB is old wine in new bottle. Amitabh is an antique piece fit for a fossil museum. Old glory cannot return and he is not doing anything new except following what cannot return. He should graciously accept he is an old man fit for dada /nana roles. Considering Amitabh is becoming senile, the box office result is there for all to see. He should mentally mature and become an adult instead of doing Nishabd, Cheeni Kum and now this with a young mother (raveena, younger than aishwarya) shown having hots for him all in the name of art. For God's sake, what does he offer next - Aishwarya's to-be-born child romancing Amitabh from the womb! Now, that'd be news. There is a shelf life for everyone. There once was a fine actor Amitabh Bachpan. There is now a caricature/cartoon called Amitabh Bachkana. An advice to Amitabh and family is: make movies for personal viewing. Don’t release them in theatres lest the tickets are free (along with to/fro ride and snacks. Afterall viewers will be investing their precious time in faltu stuff). A second vocation for Amitabh would be: opening a WIG shop. He will never lack clientele. He himself can get good wigs. He will never lack company as Dev Anand, Dharmendra, Sunny Deol, Jackie Shroff, Ranjeet, Govinda, Akshay Khanna et al will always seek his expert advice. He should now prepare for a real life role – of being a dada to a plastic gudiya or cardboard gudda. Hope the newcomer will make him realise his real age.
As we left the theatre, one could clearly hear a viewer saying, “Title galat hai. It should be Qabar Mein Hoga Tera Dada ya Pardada”. Let’s say amen to that.