December 24

RETRO ANTICIPATION AND SUNSHINE

The night after a victory I fret about the blocks.  Will my stance be right?  Will I leave cleanly?  I have been first through the tape.  I have won the race but yet I worry how I will start.  Had I anticipated a win I might have handled the accolades better.  Apprehension has a long half-life and feeds through the night on my gizzard and my dreams.  Failure gives homework, there are rewrites and typos, but checkmate leaves an empty board and hands to shake.  The long ride home is filled with recriminating thoughts of luck and fortune.  By the time I arrive home the win is devalued and no longer mine.  I must pry misgivings from the winner’s circle and enjoy.  These moments in the sun are just as real as any others.

Draw pictures of monsters, then let them lay.

*

Hey Little Sister

Who pulls the trigger, you or I,

in this Shotgun relationship?

Is it more to the point

if you slit my throat or if I slit my own?

I only ask for the sake of expedience,

rudeness was never my intent.

I know we both wish this dilemma resolved

with due speed and precision where possible.

I am not as concerned with my survival

as much as neatness all around.

I hate to leave you with a mess.

I would tuck my tail and go,

but I have tried that before

and still we end up here.

So lets end this shall we

and hope that there are better worlds than this

to find after we have shattered the sugar egg

we used to live in.