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Frustrating Improvement
5 7 09 Tommi NYC and after 120.jpg


October 7





Improvement is frustrating, lonely and yet exhilarating.  It somehow starts with moths in the stomach and ends up with that warm soup satisfaction.  Struggle, waiting, followed by further struggle; progress is made by tugging one string then the other.  It is hard to accept scaling the ropes alone, but tottering assent is always this way.  Once at the top I realize how easily I could slide to the bottom, sometimes friction is all that keeps me up.  Establishing a new altitude is challenging; I must ground myself in a new way.  My talents hinder and aid me.  I must open the correct doors in my mind and avoid the traps in the floor.  Stuttering through requirements and obligations I transform but only slowly, earning each drop of comfort from a job just done.



Think smart, speak clearly.






I don’t appreciate those who wear ignorance

as a fashion accessory,

but then I have to work too hard,

not to wear intolerance as a badge of courage.


So what can I really say, while I’m on this topic,

what kind of game is “Playing Dumb”

where do we get with that as the vehicle?


I don’t know why grown folks

act like corralled farm animals,

nor do I comprehend the idea of salvation

through unnecessary sacrifice,


But here I am in a society riddled with it

and I try not to drink in the face of this idiocy.

this is a job for which I am unprepared.


I have spent so much time feeling my internal lacking,

that when facing the siphon created by the general public

I start looking for a glass and some ice to tinkle,


I have tried this before and it solved nothing.

I can climb under this pile of human failing

or try to crawl on top.


What I really must learn

is to look at it without a drink in my hand.