There are some wonderful highlight things that occur in my life that are unexpected and yet pretty joyous.
Being invited to Mayor Gavin Newsom's Inaugural and reception is one of them.
When I got the invitation on the nice parchment paper with the RSVP I just sort of stared at it. Wow. This is nice. This is actually really super nice. I just sat there dumbfounded looking at this and hearing someone yelling "BITCH I DON'T NEED THIS SORT OF BULL SHIIiiiiiITT IN MY LIFETIME DO YOU FEEL ME MOTHERFUCKKA" Outside of my windowless SOMA apartment.
I do the right thing. I call and reserve my spot for both the Inaugural and the Reception event.
About two weeks later I get an email from SF Connect inviting me to come to the Inaugural. Well. This is not as special as what I'm thinking this is going to be. As I hear outside a yapping dog and his owner scream "BUTCH WHAT THE FUCK!! STOP THAT..BUTCH! BUTCH! Butch by the way is a Chihuahua. A high strung out of control "mouse dog"
But, I'm still excited. I ask a friend to come with me. I would say he is a dear friend, but that would probably embarrass him. We say we will meet on the steps of City Hall. Me being theater stage right. That would be my right as an actor, as I no longer speak like a normal human being. I see the whole world on a slant. And, I wish you not to be so upstage.
I wear a chocolate shirt. Beachwood age black pants (I don’t know if I should wear them or pour them in a Ale Glass) and I pull up the braids.
Walking through the Peace Park that contains the exotic birds I'm still not used to seeing after seven years living here. Big mammoth birds, bathing in the peace fountain. There are no homeless there, because of rain. Just the birds.
There are wonderful moments of the Inauguration that includes a beautiful version of Ava Maria by the San Francisco Boy's Choir (strange to see a grown man with them take the brunt of the song. If you did not see them on the sidelines...you would have thought one of these kids testicles seriously dropped out of nowhere)
Gavin's father swearing him in. The idea of change. Universal Healthcare in San Francisco. I'm not holding my breath. But wouldn't it be nice?
As mentioned before I'm starting to realize the non-sequiturs of important events are the most memorable. The strange. The funny.
My friend. I would call him a dear friend? But that would just embarrass him.
I get there and there is my friend. He has just gotten a haircut. He is wearing a smart and spiffy business suit. We look like an unlikely couple. It looks like I have brought with me my high-end attorney.
This goes back once again to my Jeff Foxworthy Fans. This one does not fall into this category at all. He is also a guy who would not be sending me a "Someone is FLIRTING with you email” He is tall. Thin, but has lean upper muscles. He is very funny. And he does physical comedy.
We are handed programs and shooed up to the second floor. He has never been in City Hall. I have been there before and climbed down that grand staircase pretending I'm in a long white dress. At the bottom of the stairs is Gavin Newsom mic checking.
It is these moments that I will always carry with me. More than Ava Maria. More than the talk of SF Universal Healthcare
Friend: (Slyly) wonder what would happen if I rolled down those stairs.
You can put the boy in a suit...but you can't get rid of the boy. You can put a girl in a pair of Beachwood aged pants…
Me: I will pay you $55.00 dollars to roll down those stairs. Do it. Do it now!
Why $55.00 you might ask? Because it makes just as much sense to roll down San Francisco City Hall Grand Balcony Staircase as it is to pay him the off amount of $55.00. Its not even "ATM Even"
He would roll down the stairs, lay at Newsom's feet...be wrangled away by security, and I would have to try to break a twenty to give him 55 dollars after I bail him out of jail for much more.
Then I started thinking about the excuses he could give for not going to jail for rolling down the stairs during an Inauguration:
- It's my VERTIGO!
- I fell for you in 2003...I guess I just did it again.
- It was the only way to get close to your girlfriend.
- Dick Van Dyke is a PUNK compared to me!!
Or the simple truth: (pointing up the stairs to me laughing my ass off, him meekly almost childlike) Shaun Landry said she would give me $55.00 if I rolled down these stairs. Yes. She is with me. mmm? Yes I DO look like her attorney, don't I?
I mean its not like he went to Burning man or the Cathedral with explosives and tried to burn and blow shit up...right? It is not like he teased a tiger getting himself mauled right? He would just roll down the stairs for $55.00
It makes logical comedic sense to me. It's a victimless crime! I mean shoot.. Newsom's niece was scooting all UP AND DOWN the stairs until she was removed away. What harm is it to roll down the staircase during a sound check?
Who suffers!! What is their problem!! Why would they put him and possibly me in JAIL! How DARE THEY!
This of course is all in my head.
He did not roll down the stairs. But it was the joke for the rest of the morning. Every once in a while me leaning into him and saying, "You know, you could do a lot with $55.00"
Finding that for you. Finding the non-sequitur joke of the day to share with someone. No matter where it is. No matter who they are. On the couch with your husband...
...Or a very prestigious event with a frie...
Oh fuck it.
A "Dear Friend"
Causes Shaun Landry Supports
The Alzheimer's Foundation, NAACP, Breast Cancer Foundation, Gilda's Club.