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The Pregnancy Diaries 2008: I just woke you up to say "I Love You"
Little Stevie Wonder

February 5th 2008
Stomach Pat Count 10 (Virtual Pat 1)

It's been a barrage of testing. Blood tests where I feel like I'm being milked like a cow. Doesn't matter if you tell them that your family does not have Sickle Cell running through it. Here is that blood test just in case Sickle Cell has become "Airborne"

Why did I get a Syphilis test? Did me and my German Husband look Syphilis riddled?

Being pregnant is like buying a brand new car. It seems all of a sudden there are a million cars like yours on the road. Same color. Same make. You want to honk at the car and say: Hey I got a Blue Honda too!

Hey pregnant lady! I'm Pregnant too! Good god look at this! A news report out of the blue that tells all woman who can get pregnant that they should be taking Folic Acid! Are they making the news just for me now?

Trying to figure out how to get over "Night Sickness" as it hits anywhere between the hours of 8:30PM - 4AM. Thanks baby. Appreciate that you have picked making mom sick during prime theater performance hours.

Give me a suggestion of something to throw up in or on right now instead of this stage

Me (to audience at Boxcar Theater Saturday) I'm Shaun Landry
Husband: I'm Hans Summers
Me: We are going to do some long form improv. Might be a little slow considering I'm pregnant....
(no response from audience)
Me: (Milking hard) JESUS! Let me say that again. I'M PREGNANT!
(Applause)
Me: (Looking at Hans laughing) Like they care. Oh look another Black woman who is pregnant. Aint there a shit load of you in Oakland?
(audience huge laughter. Yeah. I know what you are thinking)

Maybe the Stomach Pat Count should be replaced with "So how many does this make for you"

I want to say "This will be my seventh child. This will be my husbands first" and let them just stare at me and figure out how many baby daddies I might have. The shock and awe of "This will be my first and last" is now tiresome.

With all of this, the bed rest has been the best. I sleep in late. My patterns of rest has changed probably for the best. Unfortunately the numerous companies who call my home office at ghastly "Non theater person" hours of the day have no idea.

Yes. That would be at 8am That is ghastly Theater person hours. Got a friend in theater who does that for a full on living? Be kind. Call them at 10AM.

Today I was aroused out of bed by the phone. That 8am call. Generally, the only people who call at 8AM is either someone who wishes to try to clean the non existent carpets I own...or my husband with some sort of emergency, where he will ring the phone twice.

The phone at 8am this morning. It could be Hans. I take that chance.

I pick up the phone and answer. On the other end is Stevie Wonder!

OH MY GOD! IT'S STEVIE WONDER! How did Stevie Wonder get my phone number?!? Oh my fucking GOD! Stevie GODDAMN WONDER!! Songs in The Key of Life STEVIE FUCKING WONDER! Hotter Than July STEVIE FUCKING WONDER! Jamming with Prince STEVIE FUCKING WONDER

Little
Stevie
Fucking
WONDER!

As anyone could probably tell at this point I'm still half the hell asleep and not getting the idea that Mr. Stevie Wonder is a recorded message.

"Hello this is Stevie Wonder and (breaks out on piano) I just called to say I LOVE YOU!"

You just cannot get any better comedy at 8AM in the morning. Stevie Wonder called me to say that he loves me.

And of course to vote for Barrack Obama.

It's funny when you audibly talk to a recorded message. You know its recorded. No one is around...but now you are just cracking yourself up

Wonder: Hello, this is Stevie Wonder
Me: Stevie Wonder! Oh my god...Hi Stevie!
Wonder: and (Piano) I just called to say I love you...
Me: Oh Stevie...that is super nice. Did you know that I was pregnant?
Wonder: Remember to vote for my friend Barrack Obama
Me: (sadly) oh. This is what this is about. Yeah. You are his theme song. (sarcastically) Sure. I know. "So what, another black woman pregnant"...

By the time I got to another black woman pregnant, Stevie was gone. It was kind of like a drunk dial. He called to tell me he loved me ...talked about something completely different ...freaked out and hung up.

Stevie. When you want to talk about "us" give me a jingle back. Preferably around 10:30, please.

Today I go to my corner to vote. And I hate to say this, but for the rest of the day I just called to say I love you will be running in my head when I might or might not vote for Obama...