January 26th 2008
Stomach Pat Count: 5

Watching CNN is indeed my favorite station in these times of no new shows and the elections. You can get all the drama of 24 or Law and Order (without Fred Thompson now) that you can ever ask for.

Tonight has been lush with dramatic goodness.

CNN Pundit: Well Anderson, as much as it is about choice of music it is about math. 70% of Democrats do not like Hillary Clinton

As the Stomach Pat Count I could count how often each Democratic Candidate mentioned (Some Person) in (some state) working at (some crappy job) who needs (something), that only they can provide. Obama started with the woman who sent him exactly 3.01 cents. Love the penny. I wish to see this check and psalm...

Then Edwards and some horrible sob story of some woman who has to put her two kids in one bed. Of course looking for change...and I'm sure an extra bed.

By the time Clinton did her stump speech? Wow.

It was so far away from a concession speech (and away from South Carolina) it was especially fantastic. What CNN aired before they finally cut that short as she was in some heavy South Carolina denial (Hey...how about the band?!?) She must have gotten on the phone with the Mayor of Nashville on the jet and screamed "GET ME A BUNCH OF PEOPLE AND SOME BLACK FOLKS TO PUT ON THE STAGE, PRONTO!!

I just wanted to hear another sob story to outtop Obama and Edwards:

There was this lady I met in Tennessee. And let me tell you, she lived in a SHOE! She had so many children wanting decent healthcare and education? She didn't know WHAT TO DO.

It reminds me of a Monty Python Sketch:

Barrack: I met this woman on the South Side of Chicago who worked at Jewel working three shifts only to make enough to live in the worse of housing trying to feed her babies...

John: She was lucky! I met this woman who lived in a dirt ditch next to a trailer park licking floors for two cents an hour for eighteen shifts! She had to carry her children with her and feed them on her breasts while licking the floor, every once in a while having her children lick the floor just to get the extra nutrition.

Hillary: Dirt ditch by a trailer park? LUXARY. I met this woman who lived on shards of glass in a non zoned part of this country. This woman does not even live in a STATE. She has no tongue, no arms, no legs. She is nothing but a torso. Her 25 children push her around on a filthy towel cleaning up dirt piles for 82 hours a day and then they have to pay the manager five dollars an hour for the privilege! Dirt ditch? They only DREAM of a dirt ditch!

Bill: I once had sex with a woman who had nothing...

Hillary: Shut up, Bill...

All of them speak of education. Of changing healthcare (Universal or otherwise) they all are really going for the Home Family Woe.

Black Pregnant Woman. No wonder my phone is ringing off the hook now that Super Tuesday is around the corner. It already has been just by being two of the three.

Around the corner is the Clinton Offices. I have gotten three calls from them for help. I have gotten calls from Obama's Campaign asking to the do the same thing. I'm on a lot of lists for this sort of stuff, because I helped with some back end website work on the Kerry/Edwards Campaign.

Edwards who is running. Kerry, who is supporting Obama.

I'm that person they wish to stand behind them at the podium. Upwardly mobile pregnant black woman. In the full on grips of pregnancy, whose physical appearance can range from 30-40. The young vote.

They want my vote. They need that endorsement. It's a brand new world of change...and it seems of late? I'm the person they really want. I'm officially the Voter They Crave.

The one who you look at and know good and well you should not be singing "Who Let the Dogs Out" around because my face will turn on you.

I'm the supporter who will call you out when you got your man on the campaign trail and he can't keep his eyes halfway open onstage during Martin Luther King's Birthday celebration. You want black votes? FEIGN like you care.

I'm the one who can tell you that appearing on Ms. Banks show does not secure the black vote as much as it secures the votes from people who own Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

I'm the one that you can meet and use my story and not have it sound like you just got someone's last three dollars and one cent:

...and then there is the African American woman in San Francisco who owns her own small comedy business in her home in the SOMA. Who just found out that she is pregnant with her first child.

The only reason she is covered by insurance is because her husband works in healthcare. She is a 42 year old woman who has worked hard all of her life and like many Americans know that with two incomes and healthcare? One bad thing could lead to disaster. She could not afford a better place in San Francisco unless she and her husband went dibbs with four other people. She knows that in San Francisco, making 42K a year means literally nothing. You are living where you can or you are living on top of Chemical Waste in Hunters Point. Want to afford a home in San Francisco? They would have to move to Oregon.

She has been an active member in politics. She has never been arrested. She has never been on food stamps. She has a college degree. She pays her taxes and gives to charities. Although she is not religious, she does believe in good people. She is also drop dead sexy and funny. If I was not running for office right now? I'D SO HIT THAT. {{if it is Clinton "Bill would so hit that"}}

Her story is one of millions of people. Just a person trying to live in this country. And we would like to change it for her to make it better.

But that is not going to happen. They pretty much see me now as a black pregnant woman. Not a person who in the scheme of things they would really care less as I'm that person, like many, who will make it no matter who is in office.

The Legion of People who say "We will Make This Dumb Shit Work" The hordes of "Well Screw ME. Oh well...We will Figure Something Out" The unwashed masses of "Christ on a Cracker this politician is as dumb as a bag of rocks, and that is an insult to rocks. Okay. Lets see if we can work AROUND this dumbass"

Had the pleasure of working around Regan, Bush Sr and Bush Jr. If McCain lands in office? I will work around that too.

Right now though. My skin, my genitals and my "delicate condition" makes me a frontrunner vote for the front runners.

Impress me candidates. Don't you want my vote? Black woman having a baby. I'm what you CRAVE.

Dance candidate Minions. Dance.