It's a long road to tow when you are not only an African American Woman, but overweight on top of it. This is also the case for any woman who is not the correct BMI in Society Terms.
The word Sassy comes into play. Especially for the over saturation of "Reality Shows that takes the worse of everything and turns it on itself"
My world gets to see this insanity before the general populus sees it. On a regular basis I get asked to play 'Stereotypical Overweight black Sassy.
Today from the Casting Thingy- The header of this ditty reads:
SASSY WOMEN 21-36 WHO ARE OVERWEIGHT.
Alright. At 185 in the world of Hollywood I'm still overweight after dropping damn well near fifty pounds. Also. I'm 46 years old and I got this as my age range starts at thirty five.
I always like to see something on the Casting Thingy pegging every overweight woman as "Sassy" You know the kind brethren large women: Eye rolling. Finger snapping. Giving lip. Generally doing all of this while of course holding food.
Always down to read what they are looking for. It starts off promising enough...
NOW CASTING: FIERCE, FABULOUS WOMEN across AMERICA that are between the ages of 21-35 WHO HAVE 50-85 POUNDS TO LOSE. Do you want to show off your new body?
Well. This sounds like your normal faire for a reality show. Get a bunch of overweight women with a bucket full of "Sass" and watch them be all sassy while losing weight. Thus becoming Skinny and having the term "Sassy" change into something different.
It's the only thing we overweight women have. The word "Sassy" For thin women its called "A roaring bitch"
So here I am sitting here after being at NBC reading this audition from the Casting Thingy. Sounds like your regular stereotypical Fat and Sassy deal. Then it starts getting weird. It starts getting really fucking weird.
..and depressingly dark:
Were you bullied in high school and want to be thin for your reunion? ? Were you rejected from a sorority because you didn't fit the image? Were you always last picked for sports in school? Did you miss out on a job opportunity because of your weight? Do you have sisters who have always been thinner than you? Were you rejected from the cheer-leading squad because you couldn't fit in the uniform? Are you tired of being the overweight girl in your group? Let US help YOU live the life you've been dreaming about!
Shit just got real. Real Dark.
Here is the thing about being overweight all of my life: The defense mechanism for me being overweight was putting on the huge ass coat of *funny* It was like a shield to everything listed above. It kept me safe and warm when I made fun of myself before anyone else could bully me first. It made me find the funny in Sororities. I found sports that large women would not be made fun of like Softball (because in Chicago...everyone playing softball had a beer gut).
It keep me dry and comfy when I realized I could be on a cheerleading squad not as the cute girl on the top of the pyramid...but the sassy funny girl holding up the cute cheerleader on the bottom of the pyramid. It also gave me a sense of power. I always planted in minds with my snarky sassy sense of humor: I'm a big girl who is about to put you on my shoulders. *I got your life on my shoulders* Really. You want to make fun of me now?
Here is the thing about women who become sassy as a defense mechanism, instead of a few overweight women who never donned the uniform: By the time we are adults, we have never had a problem finding a job, being accepted or giving a shit being "The Overweight Girl in the Group" Why? Because we made our sassy clothes part of our personalities. We are the overweight girls who never had a problem with having fun, doing fun things...
...and more importantly in these terms in a silly silly reality type show: Getting laid. Sure we every once in a while wonder what its like to tout around a body that looks like something drawn by John Byrne? But hey. The comic dork standing next to me just asked me out for drinks...so FUCK YOU JOHN BYRNE.
The Casty thingy goes on to completely get it all wrong:
Seeking big personalities with great stories. SASSY GIRLS~ OVER THE TOP~ Girls that are over the top! They are a little chunky, but that doesn't stop them from being fabulous.... however, they would like to loss weight if they could...
They used the word Chunky. That is shit your thin mother says to you when she tries to make you feel better and does it all wrong. That is full of amazing fucking fail. Just might as well said Big Boned.
Here is what I think happened: Two BMI normal weight executives were in a room together and it was trying to merge two ideas into one: Fat and Sassy and Fat and picked on. What they came up with: Sassy Over the Top Fat Women with Severe Stories who really hate being overweight.
That is the sort of show I would throw a pot roast at. Basically they wish to see at some point in this show an overweight woman who has been dubbed over the top sassy...break down and cry about how she almost got stuffed in a locker in High School.
Someone should have gotten a real Sassy overweight woman in that room. Oh wait. Really Sassy Overweight women generally don't want to have anything to do with this dumb ass bullshit.
Eight months ago I started trotting around a soccer field and stopped eating like they were about to replace real food with Soylent Green. I dropped officially fifty five pounds. I did not do this to (in this Casty Thingy World) "Fit into a pair of designer jeans" or "Living the life I have been dreaming about"
Fuck you dipshits. I don't have skinny dreams. I have never had skinny dreams. I have had dreams about seeing my friends get shot in prison by continuing to answer the wrong questions. I have had dreams seeing all of my guy friends in a production of "Grease" that I was directing. I have had dreams about flying myself on my own wings to Chicago for a show. I dreamt I missed the Oscars once and my mother did the acceptance speech in my place.
I have never as a fat woman...had dreams about being skinny. Ever. I lost weight because of my health. Something that is NOT EVEN LISTED as a criteria for this show. This is all about "Being Fat and Rejected"
..as though thin women are not rejected at all.
Thank god. Thank god I'm out of this age range officially (as you have to be this age and not *look it*) to be more pissed about this Reality Show audition for Sassy Overweight Women. They are fucking lucky this was not ten years ago.
Because I would hit submit. And sit there calmly in front of the video camera and tell them what a great life I had with being accepted by friends, at parties, and getting laid on a regular basis....
...but put me on your dumb ass show. If your dumb asses are giving out free personal trainers? Yea (mock crying) oh boo the fucking hoo. Nobody loves me...I'm FAAAAaaaaat (stops mock crying and rolls eyes)
Fuck yea. My shit is real deal Sassy, this coat was seared into my damn PORES at THIRTEEN. Now turn off the motherfucking camera, and find a big girl who was stuffed in a locker because this is NOT ME.
Just another Armando story. Full of sass.
Causes Shaun Landry Supports
The Alzheimer's Foundation, NAACP, Breast Cancer Foundation, Gilda's Club.