where the writers are
I'm not your go to girl: Going Black or Going Woman This Election.
Mums is the word.

A woman at dinner: You know, I would vote for Obama. but (eyeballing me) you know he is not going to win. Why is this happening to me I think? I say: Two words if he wins: Body Armor. YEAH she squeals.

Okay. This is for all of my grand lovely Caucasians liberal friends: I don't know WHO I am going to vote for. Each candidate on the Democratic ticket has their ups. And each one has some serious faults.

Sufficed to say their faults are not as bad as what is currently sporting on the opposing team. Mike Huckabee? The only candidate who has a strong stance on Necrophilia as compared to Homosexuality? His son trying to carry loaded firearms onto a plane? Him using the word of The Living God (the living god?? Someone give me that son of a bitch's address so I can give The Living God a good talking to about The Cubs and Giants) as his personal Ghost Writer for the Constitution of the United States?

Yeah. Even Dennis cannot top that guy. A little gnome with a smoking hot pierced tongue babe? Or a guy in a band called Capital Offense with Chuck Norris supporting him?

Hands Down. Dennis.

I'm telling the world this right now: I'm not your go to black friend on this. And let me also double that ante: I'm not your FEMALE BLACK FRIEND ON THIS EITHER.

We have a black man and a caucasian woman as frontrunner's. Well good for them. What a god forsaken nightmare for me.

I said it during O.J (both trials and the collectable gun scandal) I said it for the M.J's (both Michael Jackson and Michael Jordan's gambling) I said it about issues on Condi, Chappelle's breakdown, Free James Brown (and his body above ground for an insane amount of time), Winfrey's Book Scandal, Eddie Murphy and transsexuals, Coby Bryant, Samuel L Jackson and Snakes on a Plane and every time Tarintino puts out a movie with the word Nigger in it:

Will you stop eyeballing me to see what is politically correct to say? I will say something "Un-Politically Correct" so you can come back to me later and say "Shaun, you almost got me beaten up!"

YES. I do have opinions on how the black community sees both of these front runners and guess what for you who really need to know: It is the first time in election history that there is some major divisions going on in our own community.

There is the joke: If Obama is elected he will be the Second Black President that this country has had. The first one would of course be Bill. Many African Americans (myself included) adore and admire Former President Bill Clinton.

Ms. Clinton is not Bill Clinton. You cannot get that sort of charm rubbed off on you via marriage. You just cannot. He got things done because politics is two percent knowledge and ninety eight percent pure charm. This is not a man vs woman gender difference. This is a charm thing.

If you don't think charm is a factor in voting patterns? Lets go back to the Nixon/Kennedy Debates again shall we? Kennedy. Charming. Alert. Looked and sounded confident. Nixon. Sweating lip. Sweating Brow. Sweaty everything. A voice only the deaf could love. Not charming. Unappealing. Does not look like a guy that you can trust.

Hillary. With her amazing amount of experience? You just don't look like you can trust her. Not as far as you can throw her. And its a cop out to throw the "Well Men can get away with this".

Uh...No they don't. Not running for president, anyway. We can go back to last election when people thought a certain candidate went off the crazy deep end. It goes back to Nixon looking mean and disheveled. It goes back to Carter who told the world the truth about our economy and situation and no one wished to hear. Instead, they went with Bedtime for Bonzo. The smooth talking, funny actor from California.

It goes to Bush Sr. One round in office. Who was more appealing after his first term: A thousand points of light...or The I feel Your Pain Comeback Kid.

Throwing the woman card for me is a cop out in politics. Especially if this woman is trying to run on her experience. So is throwing out the African American cop out in politics.

That alone turns me off to her, if her base really thinks this. Every person running for office is up for scrunity. For *ever tiny thing* From being a woman, to being black to being Mormon to living with a gay couple and dressing in drag at a party. Please. This is politics.

For me to vote for Obama he needs to now stop trying to sound like Martin Luther King has taken over his body and stop using ditty catchphrases like "Yes We Can".

Yes we can *what* baby. I mean, it sounds great and hopeful and all of that? But honey, you are chalk full of great terminology and not really telling me exactly what you are going to do about our economy. Our healthcare. Crime and violence.

You are going to get us out of Iraq. Fantastic! This makes me happy!

....*how*.....

If you were on the pulpit preaching, this is uplifting in a church. When you get off that pulpit...you better have actual *plans* Unlike a church, you actually need to tell the choir *on the pulpit...point by point*

Thank you for playing Stevie Wonder when you came in second. That was nice. Are you now going to switch that song if you keep running second to "Don't You Worry Bout a Thing" and when you don't get it it will be Stevie's "I'm an All Day Sucka?"

I love you man. So does my family. You are a really good person from a great congregation. Just because my family knows you...does not mean I'm going to vote for you. This should not be a "Pre-Requisite" for anything: Meeting, or knowing the person. I know a lot of nice people that I don't wish to have running the country.

Bottom Line. Do you Trust them? Do you think they have enough experience? So here is my advise you two wacky presidential hopefuls:

  • Ms. Clinton,  work for my trust like any other person male or female. Like any human being, you can have all the skills in your arsenal.  It does nothing if no one likes you enough to actually care.  that is not a woman bashing thing.  That, is a "We don't like you human being" thing.  STOP LOOKING LIKE NIXON! He was "A workhorse too" So what?! STOP LOOKING LIKE HIM! You got the King of Smooth sitting Right Behind You. Think 1991 baby.


  • Mr. Obama Tell me exactly what you are going to do. You are like my little brother for crying out loud! He talks in impressive circles saying nothing too. I mean, I get that you might do it? But you can't tell at ALL right now!! I want to WRANGLE YOU DOG! Don't change what you have been wearing, though. You look great.

Those are the negatives. There are a boat load of positives for each candidate that I can discuss in full detail.

But I'm not doing it. I rather sound negative for both to throw people off my path. Because I'm not telling anyone who I'm voting for at this point.

All my nice, liberal Caucasian friends turn to me as an African American Woman: So are you going black, or are you going woman?

I'm going STOP EYEBALLING ME! If you can squeeze your ass in the election booth with me? Only then will you know the answer, because this time I'm keeping my yap shut.

Just know this: I'm voting Democratic. Cold day in hell I wish to hear: Ladies and Gentlemen President Mike Huckabee.