I have really amazing friends. Wonderful, caring and sincere close friends who I enjoy not only seeing at social gatherings and quiet coffee clutches but also what they write and post onto Facebook.
This is where Facebook comes in. They figured this out for people who have thousands of friends, but in actuality are very close to maybe ten to fifty people. So is instituted the "Close Friend Tab" on Facebook.
The Close Friend Tab lets you see the specific people who you adore post on their walls. In theory, it is a fantastic little thing: You don't have to scroll though hundreds of associates, the guy you met on the plane and Ex Lovers you forgot to unfriend to get to that person who you see in person on a regular basis who will nine out of ten tag you in a Synced picture from the night before.
It's wonderful. In theory.
Unfortunately Facebook has botched this great idea of seeing your Close Friends like or comment on their other close friends accounts.
Sometimes they are the same friends. Other times they are not. Facebook gives you a glimpse into the lives of someone you don't know via your close friends. Know the saying from it's a Wonderful life: "Every time you hear a bell ring, an angel gets his wings"
Well "Every time you see a stranger post from a Friend Feed that is horrible a little bit of you dies."
This morning I awoke, got my coffee, my smokes and my glass of water and sat down on Facebook to see what my internet world was up to. I clicked onto my Close Friend feed. The usual postings of adorable cats from a friend. The usual liking of an improvisational show in Los Angeles. The usual hilarious snarky post in the vein of "Have you ever noticed" Observations.
But there was one. One that stood out amidst all the happy, silly and plugs.
It was posted in my close friend feed because the person commented on it. A simple reach out comment that after reading the entire Status was something that needed to be said. The post this person wrote was a phone conversation not a status update.
In a rage, this person's friend decided to cut and paste an email to her now ex boyfriend.
What was it that made my coffee taste less delicious, my throat dry and heading downstairs for more water? Let me tell you...but as a Children's Fairy Tale:
Once upon a time not so long ago there was a young princess who just seemed she could not find the right prince. All over the kingdom she just seemed to pick the wrong princes in her life. Princes who would lock her in the castle. Princes who told her she was not really a princess but a horrible ugly troll from the depths of the kingdom's lagoon.
Angry Princes who would turn her cheeks red with a mighty whack of a metal gloved hand.
She had given up on finding a Prince until one day she found Prince Show. Prince Show was not like your other Princes. He had already sired children from another Princess but seemed like he was of regal and of sincere stature.
He arrived on the doorstep of this princess and said: I'm not like the rest of them. I will be your wonderful Prince.
The Princess was enamored with him and his sired children and fell under the spell of love. They started a whirlwind courtship.
One day (once upon a time a few days ago), she was planning on reuniting with Prince Show to pick him up in her carriage from an adventure on a big flying machine. She wanted to make sure everything was perfect in arriving with her carriage. So, she talked to the prince and asked where she should meet him. He responded "Get onto the magical box in the castle and you can find all the information there"
Dutiful, she went into his stately room and got onto the magical box. She put in two simple letters to retrieve this information and like magic a world she had never seen or heard about came up in the saved links from Prince Show.
It was a magical world of horror. She found images of other Princesses with larger bottoms than hers. She found Dungeons where Prince Show could have coitus affairs with these rounded bottom Princesses.
She found moving pictures of Prince Show now realizing how he got his Princely last name.
She tried not to look. The Princess tried not believe this was her Prince and instead an evil sorcerer had put this into the Prince's Magical Box. She tried to turn her heart from it and went to the Magical Page on the Magical Box to find out where to greet her Prince.
To her dismay, the Magical Page was his. He had not logged out of his Magical Page. On the page was a notice in scroll to another Princess from Prince Show informing the other princess that he was not in love with any Princess at the present time in the Kingdom as he was very busy running his Princely business for the Kingdom.
The Princess, glancing at the Magical Box was heartbroken and livid. Once again love had vexed her.
In a rage the princess wrote a scroll to send to Prince Show. One for the ages never seen in the Kingdom.
A scroll to break the spell of love informing the Prince that not only did she see his dalliances on the Magical Box...his spawn probably had seen the same thing. She put the magic spell on the scroll for the children wishing that the young prince does not grow up to become Prince Show and his young princess never becomes enamored with someone like him.
The scroll concluded that he could get a Kingdom Coach Service to pick his sorry Prince ass up.
The curse of this love was broken. But there was only one thing that needed to be done. After a lifetime of Prince Abuse, she needed to tell the Kingdom of him and his very Showy ways.
On the magical box, on her Magical Page she copied and pasted the scroll as an announcement of her Status with Prince Show. Some of her court liked this. Some in the court made proclamations of mutal horror of the ghastly Prince. Others, worried for her asked if they could visit the Princess as a support of love.
The scroll went out far and wide through not only the Kingdom...but to other Kingdoms far and wide as people of the court liked it and other Kingdoms saw it on their magical Kingdom Friends Magical Link.
...and like magic once upon a time (hours later) that scroll magically disappeared. But just long enough for everyone to know about Prince Show.
The Princess is once again looking for a new Prince to love and will hopefully live happily ever after. The end.
Dear Broken Hearted Princesses across the land: The Kingdom can be a bad place. Please contact your court directly when you are heartbroken on the Magic Box as you really don't wish to have the gallery from far away lands know.
Causes Shaun Landry Supports
The Alzheimer's Foundation, NAACP, Breast Cancer Foundation, Gilda's Club.