There is a weight crisis in the United States today, as many of us can see by simply looking down at our own bellies. The problem has grown worse over the last few decades, and the cause is clear: the Baby Boomers did it. That’s right, Baby Boomers—we are a bunch of pigs. (Noticed how I carefully avoided using the word “swine” out of sensitivity to the giant multinational pork industry, which is probably operated by a bunch of Baby Boomers.) In an effort to singlehandedly solve this problem, in the coming days (or weeks, or months, or never, if I forget because I am getting older and my memory was never good due to youthful marijuana abuse, which is also the fault of us Boomers) the Daily Sam will examine the causes and potential solutions to this national emergency, including the role of Oprah Winfrey, gas stations, and peanut butter-filled pretzels. Stay tuned breathlessly.