In the waning days of the 2011 San Francisco mayoral campaign, I would like to offer some thoughtful words of wisdom. If anyone has any, please write them down on a $20 bill and mail them to me at:

Don’t Quit Your Day Job Productions
PMB #120
236 West Portal Avenue
San Francisco, CA 94127-1423

Meanwhile, in his November 1, 2011 Bay Guardian column Tim Redmond wrote that “defeating Mayor Lee will take a confluence of events and strategies that starts with a big progressive turnout — and with voters who don’t like the idea of an incumbent with ties to a corrupt old political machine.” This statement, combined with the title of the piece, “Anyone but Lee,” amounts to a rousing (if not explicit) endorsement of yours truly for mayor. (Just to be clear, I, Sam Barry, am “yours truly.”) The title of the piece even rhymes with my campaign motto, resulting in a catchy little chant:

Sam Barry for mayor
How bad can he be?
The Bay Guardian says
Anyone but Lee!

Are you listening, Occupy San Francisco?

Thank you, Tim Redmond. Thank you, Bay Guardian. I am sure I don’t deserve your support.

In my first act as mayor, I am going to join the Occupy Movement. But rather than camping out down near the Embarcadero surrounded by tourists and white collar workers who can’t do anything to change the system, let’s camp somewhere where we’ll be seen by people with real power. I propose that we set up camp over in Sea Cliff, the most affluent neighborhood in the city. Maybe the locals will send their butlers out with tea and cookies! Maybe Robin Williams will join us! And at the very least, we’ll have a spectacular view.

I have another suggestion: you know how the Occupy Movement has developed an informal public address system whereby one person says something and others repeat it, thereby communicating the message to the crowd? Why not add a melody and make it musical? It’s called call and response, and people have been doing it for years.

Of course, I don’t want to be cocky. I could lose. John Avalos could win. I like John Avalos; if he wins, well, that wouldn’t be so bad. You would lose my insightful leadership, my creativity, my good looks, and above all, my connections. There are a lot of harmonica players who would be disappointed. On the other hand, Avalos does have some interesting ideas and experience in government. If Avalos wins, I could live with that. I feel similarly about Dennis Herrera and Leland Yee, pretty much in that order. In fact, you might consider voting along the lines suggested in this slate.

But I think you should write me in. That’s what Kathi Kamen Goldmark is going to do. Kathi is just one San Francisco voter, chosen by me at random, who has no ax to grind. (She does have a guitar.) And after you write me in, come join us at El Rio (Motto: “Your dive”) for the Los Train Wreck All-Star Jam on election night, November 8. Our band, Los Train Wreck, will be playing from 8 to 11:30 pm, celebrating my election as mayor in particular, San Francisco more generally, and peace, jobs, and justice for all. And I really mean that last part. See you there.