This weekend I was in Miami for the Miami Book Fair International, promoting my book How to Play the Harmonica: and Other Life Lessons—a book that will change your life and a really great gift idea at only $9.99. They put me up in the Hyatt Regency, which, as it happens, was the setting for the official launch of the Trump Network. “Success does not just happen,” Donald Trump has said, “it starts for those who take action.” That is so deep, Donald.
In many ways Donald Trump and I (Samuel Barry) have a lot in common. Our first and last names consist of the same amount of letters and we are both changing people’s lives. The only difference, really, is our hair.
I ran into the Trumpites everywhere: in the hotel lobby, in the elevator, in the bar, under my bed. They were very enthusiastic about promoting the network. I began to understand what life must be like for a pretty woman, with everybody asking for my contact information, wanting to give me their contact information, inviting me to join their parties when they hardly knew me, wanting to get involved in my life, wanting to run my life, etc.
Another thing I noticed while I was in Miami is how much modern technology is changing us. At one point I was standing in a bathroom waving my hands in front of a towel dispenser trying to get it to dispense some towels. I thought this was a reasonable thing to expect from a towel dispenser, but it wasn’t cooperating. After a little while I realized that this was an old fashioned towel dispenser and that I had to actually turn a crank to get more towels to come out. A similar thing happened to me at a bathroom sink in an airport, only in this case I was supposed to wave my hands around to get the water to come out, but the water wasn’t cooperating. This is certainly a great way to conserve, but I am not sure if it is good for personal hygiene.
There’s a lot of modern technology in Miami, which really, if you think about it, shouldn’t exist, much like Washington DC. Someday nature is going to take back the swamps. Not that I should be cocky—I live in San Francisco, which is destined to be struck down by a wrathful God for our collective wanton behavior. After the author party Kathi and I went for a bite to eat with two wonderful Miami people, Kimberly and Les Standiford. Kimberly is all about the energy one finds in the world around us, good and bad. I don’t always know what Kimberly means by energy, which is odd, considering that I work at HarperOne. The four of us were walking through the lobby of this really weird building—some sort of combination condo/restaurant/business center—and Kimberly scooped up what appeared to be some beautiful, smooth rocks from a display. Only it turned out they weren’t rocks at all—they were fake rocks, hollow on the inside; or, as Kimberly put it, they didn’t “have any energy.”
This is the pass to which technology has brought us. Instead of having real rocks in our displays, we have fake ones. This brings me back to Donald Trump’s hair, which has lots of energy, and to one of the Trump man's most important sayings:
“I love beautiful women, and beautiful women love me. It has to be both ways."