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Today our subject is armrest etiquette on airplanes. If you are on the aisle you can lean on the armrest closest to the aisle and flirt with attractive people. If you are on the seat near the window you can watch for gremlins on the plane wing. But if you see one during the course of the flight do not mention it to anyone, as you will be treated like a crazy person. Just get off the plane.

Here’s the proper etiquette if, for some reason, you were stupid enough to wind up in the middle seat stuck between two strangers: choose one arm rest as yours and cede the other one. You are going to fight over this armrest for the remainder of the flight. No one can properly fight for personal space on two sides at once: it’s like opening up a second front against Russia in a war. Once you have established your claim to the armrest don’t move AT ALL, even if this means eating and reading with only arm; even if it results in paralysis to the immobilized limb; and yes, even if you wet your pants. Your personal comfort is not the issue here—control of the armrest space is. There is no winning or losing here—you must win. That’s how etiquette works.

Have an etiquette question? Ask the Daily Sam! Next airline etiquette tip: reclining seats.

5 Comment count
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Very funny post. Made me

Very funny post. Made me laugh. Next post: where to stretch out your legs when the space beneath the seat in front of you is overstuffed with your carry-on luggage hiding the Pomeranian you've snuck on board. Brian Moreland

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The Pomeranian

How do you know about that whole Pomeranian snafu?

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Sam, admit it. . .you've

Sam, admit it. . .you've been my seatmate a few times, haven't you?!  We gals never win these armrest battles, just as we never win the ones for leg room.  Guys spread 'em wide, and we don't have a chance.

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Sam, since you're

Sam, since you're soliciting, I do have a question I'd like addressed in your next blog. When the person fully reclined in the seat in front of you forces you to spoon with him, how does one politely but firmly let him know that one isn't yet ready to take it to the next level like that with a total stranger? Can any diseases be contracted this way?

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Sam, this whole thing

Sam, this whole thing starts when, as children, we take second place to older and much meaner siblings. Now, tell the doctor, why did you hate your brother?