The Daily Sam’s Book Review
I'll Mature When I'm Dead: Dave Barry's Amazing Tales of Adulthood
By Dave Barry (G.P. Putnam, $24.95)
I know what you’re going to say—how can he review his own brother’s book? Isn’t there a conflict of interest? Doesn’t he have any standards? Couldn’t he have chosen some serious literature to review, such as Sh*t My Dad Says, by Justin Halpern (available wherever books are sold)? The answers: because; huh?; no; actually, I do have a conflict of interest with that one.
I have known my brother Dave all my life. When I was little I thought of my brother as one of the big, tough guys in our neighborhood. This was before I realized there were no big, tough guys in our neighborhood. Later on Dave and I sat in our backyard getting stoned to a soundtrack of really loud rock and roll, because this was a lot easier than going to Woodstock.
That pretty much brings us up to date. Now Dave has written I'll Mature When I'm Dead: Dave Barry's Amazing Tales of Adulthood.
The mature man, as we all know, takes responsibility for his actions. He exhibits self-control, minds his manners, works to eliminate character flaws, is patient, and achieves his goals. I'll Mature When I'm Dead has nothing to do with any of that. It does, on the other hand, offer great charts on the difference between men and women; the differences and similarities between Christians and Jews (similarities: God; differences: frogs, figgy pudding); a spoof of a vampire novel called Fangs of Endearment; reports of events that could only happen in Miami, such as a shark riding public transportation; and the story of Dave’s son’s Rob’s wedding to Laura, an event which was held in New York City at the same time that the His Holiness the Dalai Lama was there, not that Dave remembers any of this. I don’t remember everything about that wedding, either, but I do remember that it was a sweet and lovely affair, even after the Dalai Lama crashed the reception and took the microphone away from the wedding band because he thought he could sing “One Love” better than they could.
None of that part about the Dalai Lama is in I'll Mature When I'm Dead, but you should buy it anyway, because it is the funniest book I have read in a long time. Dave is finally, after thirty-four bestselling books, hitting his stride as a writer.