Today our subject is armrest etiquette on airplanes. If you are on the aisle you can lean on the armrest closest to the aisle and flirt with attractive people. If you are on the seat near the window you can watch for gremlins on the plane wing. But if you see one during the course of the flight do not mention it to anyone, as you will be treated like a crazy person. Just get off the plane.
Here’s the proper etiquette if, for some reason, you were stupid enough to wind up in the middle seat stuck between two strangers: choose one arm rest as yours and cede the other one. You are going to fight over this armrest for the remainder of the flight. No one can properly fight for personal space on two sides at once: it’s like opening up a second front against Russia in a war. Once you have established your claim to the armrest don’t move AT ALL, even if this means eating and reading with only arm; even if it results in paralysis to the immobilized limb; and yes, even if you wet your pants. Your personal comfort is not the issue here—control of the armrest space is. There is no winning or losing here—you must win. That’s how etiquette works.
Have an etiquette question? Ask the Daily Sam! Next airline etiquette tip: reclining seats.