Great. Another Christmas fiasco. We awoke this morning to find a heavy smell of smoke in the house, and soot coating everything in sight. It’s a wonder we didn’t all perish from carbon monoxide inhalation.
Some foreign object clogged the chimney while we, all snug in our beds, slept. I can’t wait to get up there on the rooftop and find out what the hell it was. I swear to god, I know this has something to do with that fat, hairy homeless guy we caught peeking in through our windows last week, apparently trying to see if we were going to be “nice” enough to leave some cookies laying around for him. I’m filing a grievance with the village for lack of adequate safety patrolling.
Things were tough enough with those marauding carolers around dinnertime last night, but I could swear I heard sleigh bells—that’s right, friggin sleigh bells—as I was trying to drift off around midnight.
At any rate, I’ve pretty much had it with this whole Christmas thing. All that time wasted and money spent, and now this: smoke damage and attempted home invasion.