In the days before computers, how the heck did anyone write a footnoted research paper? That's what I wanted to know in my freshman year at Queens College. A guy friend of mine was going out with a secretary. She'd know, I figured. I paid her to type the paper. She kept putting it off and putting it off. When she finally gave it to me, the day before it was due, I found out that she not only could barely type, she was illiterate. "Erbest Hummingway's, A Farewell to Farms."  I was up through the night pecking at my typewriter. It snowed through the night. The next day, I had to completely dig out my car. When I got to school, bleary with sleeplessness and having to clean off the motherload of snow on my windshield at every stoplight, the security guard waved me away. "School is closed," he shouted.