I was gonna leave this subject alone, but there's just too much room for fun with it and writers like me (yes I know it should be "I", but screw grammar this one time) who have far too much time on their hands look for topics to blog about.
In this case, its "The Dashboard".
For those of you who write for Red Room, you should be familiar with the "dashboard", a little widget which tracks how many people visit your pages. I'm not sure if it tracks amount of minutes spent on your pages as it would be a good indicator of if they are actually reading it, or got there accidentially while Googling inflatable girlfriends and hemmoroid creams.
If Red Room could somehow trigger the webcams of the visitors, we could see if their lips move while reading, which would be a wonderful indicator of the intelligence level of the people who visit the pages. I'd imagine that Gerhard Pudfarken's "Blogging for Dummies" page would spike at about 37,000 hits per day.
No, there is no Gerhard Pudfarken, but as soon as the powers that be accept me as an "author", I will be sure to us it as an alias. Sadly, I'm pretty sure that "Blogging for Dummies" is already taken. Its just so obvious a candidate for a hit blog.
The widget dashboard tracks how many people visit your pages, the problem with this is far too many of us (writers) have egos the size of Wisconsin and truly believe that the world CARES what we think and write.
Yes, delusion is a wonderful thing, but not as wonderful as Xanax, Prozac and any of the other industrial strength "wonder toys" which your local medical establishment now keep on the receptionists counter instead of jelly beans.
In reality, nothing really ever changes.
In our parents day, it was "Miltown", followed by Valium. No wonder there were so few divorces back then...mom was dosed, dad was juiced and nobody cared. Whee!
Anyway, lest I digress (on second thought, better I digress otherwise this will be a really short blog), the point I was trying to make in 500 words or more is that the dashboard is wonderful for successful writers who have a following and need their ego's stroked a bit, but for the other 99% who toil away on their laptops in the foothills of East Overshoe with Jerry Springer on in the background, reality can be very tough indeed.
The fact of the matter is that it is very difficult to get noticed and even harder to generate a "following", so writers dreaming of stardom, gazillion dollar book deals and limos with iced champagne will have to find a way to deal with low numbers.
Either that or create software that artificially inflates the hits on their dashboard. If they could also crash Rush Limbaugh's numbers to single digits, that alone would be valuable just for the annoyance factor alone.
On the other hand, maybe Red Room can open a sideline selling discount Xanax from Canadian Pharmacies to the writers here. Just by checking everyone's dashboards, they'll know how many pills to import for the week.
"Hmm, Bicknell has two bomb columns this week, get him an extra dose or he'll be on the roof again. Pudfarken, on the other hand is still going strong...get him some Viagra for his book signing in Hollywood, he'll need it."
Who says running a site like Red Room is easy?
These guys have a lot of us to deal with every day.
Fortunately, they're used to it by now...
Causes Robert Bicknell Supports
Any legitimate charity which benefits children.