I started my day early and was dreading what felt like would be a long Monday feeling slightly off balance thinking and worrying about many small things.
What a wonderful surprise to bump into my mother’s eldest sister! It felt like I was looking and talking to mom.
We chatted a bit while waiting for her pick up. As I helped her into her car and bade her goodbye, I was reminded of that time I quickly turned around and walked away thinking that mom could climb into the car on her own. I was horrified and guilt ridden seeing her lying on the curb!
I was always a fast walker. Everything for me had to happen quickly. Even when I wasn’t in a rush I walked fast. Slowing my pace down for anyone was a difficult task. It was a conscious effort for me to stop and wait for mom to catch up whenever we walked together. I just had trouble slowing down and looking back, it was harsh of me to walk so fast and then stop from a distance to wait for mom and her aide to catch up.
I guess I finally mellowed thru the years. It took her death to finally slow down my pace but I finally did. And now with one daughter away from home, stopping while walking isn’t so bad either. I think clearly when I pace myself. If I stop it’s because my thoughts have something to say, therefore I listen.
It’s actually relaxing to no longer feel rushed. I take my time now when walking, taking notice of strangers who greet me. I can even hear the crickets buzzing amidst cars passing by. Lots of crickets buzzing from the trees above! I’m in no rush now to do things. I feel no pressure sitting on errands unless there’s a deadline to meet. I don’t have to always be the first in line, on the go and first to finish.
I’ve become more patient, more tolerant with situations and people. After all this time, rushing and being too quick hardly got the better out of me anyway. And with Monday coming to day’s end there was nothing to dread after all for today turned out to be quite a good day!