My daughters both in college have a lot to chew on everyday. They consult with me endlessly. Some are general questions while other concerns require more of a conversation than just a simple answer.
I don't mind being asked many questions. I don't mind being woken up by a thump on my bed realizing that its my daughter beside me wanting to ask me something that's important to her. Other nights it’s a thump on my bed and a sigh. Nothing to ask just the need to release some pent up energy.
Initially, I wondered why so many little questions. Shouldn't they know the answers by now? I felt a nudge inside of me and realized that growing up I too had many questions to ask but no one to trust and no one to turn to. I had many sleepless nights but no other bed to lie on either. I had to learn how to figure things out on my own and I had to find my own answers. Naturally, I did expect the same of my girls but the nudge inside of me was pushing in a different direction.
At ages 19 and 20, there are a million discoveries yet to be made, aha moments yet to be realized and there is nothing more valuable than providing moral support and inner guidance to young girls still learning how to handle the ropes of life.
Having a point person to run to makes my girls feel safe and secure. They learn to trust and in their own time and way eventually discover what works best for them. M2 especially likes that we’re a team. M1 is a little more private in nature and she likes that I hang around in silence and give her space.
I am thankful to be present in their everyday lives, available when they need me, and tuned in well enough to understand how to guide them in the right direction.
Having missed out on this milestone growing up serves as a good reminder for me to keep my door open at all times even when I am asleep. I remember as a child that the reason I had no one to run to was because the door was always shut or locked. I was afraid to knock for fear of being let down or turned away.
I make it a point to stick my head and my nose in every once in a while because as a child, no one stuck their head or nose into my affairs and when I was all messed up I did not know how to cry out loud. I think that I have stuck my head and my nose in enough for the girls to realize and understand that they have a friend and a mother all in one mold.
When it gets a little all too much for them, they let me know and I back off without offense. I understand better now than when I was a child.
So forget that I wonder why so many questions, I am thankful that I am asked many questions even when I am asleep.