“I must have done something right.” This is what I said to Agnes when she asked me a validating question about a conversation concerning my personal journey.
She turned my words around and said; “say it again out loud, Rina. I want you to hear and believe in what you just said.” She probably noticed I had that uncertain look in my face when I said “I must have done something right.”
I answered her question, not fully believing that I was capable of doing something right. I paused a few seconds before I could actually repeat what I said. I did not want Agnes to sense that I was embarrassed, but inside of me I was feeling like, “gosh, do I deserve this?”
It’s one thing to say the words and another to actually believe in them. I was reminded about my childhood and my past when I recall being told, “What’s wrong with you?” or “Why don’t you just follow what it told of you?” “Why do you always have to go against the grain?” “Why can’t you just get along and just be?” In other situations I would overhear, “She’s difficult” or “you know how she is…”
When I look back, it really is hard to imagine that I could actually do something right. So when Agnes took me to that inner place of validation, I felt a thug inside of me. Strong and positive vibrations that outshined all those negative remarks that have somehow made me feel that I was an odd ball and didn’t really belong anywhere.
One sign after another somehow just lands right in front of me and fuels my determination more than ever to keep on going, ignore adversities and just keep moving forward.
Yes Rina! You certainly are doing something right.