M2 had a tough emotional time growing up. She needed a lot of reassurance and certainty that nothing drastic would change.
I had to invest in a lot of hallmark cards and books in the hope of keeping her intact while I was gone traveling.
This all happened years ago but she talks about the experience now in the hope of coming to terms with her insecurities.
She tries to put the pieces together. I did not realize then the impact of my being away created on M2.
“I would look out the window at the very time you said you would be arriving mom. I was afraid your plane would crash.”
She attributes this to her feelings of insecurity now. She has trouble dealing with sudden changes in her life, even if only temporary.
Going on a short trip brings her anxiety. A change in situation or schedule startles her.
She’s now in college and separation anxiety is still a big challenge for her. I need to be mindful of this.
Until she is able to understand and overcome her fears, I need to practice mindfulness.
I nearly lost her during my fifth month of pregnancy. I caught a virus and the threat of a miscarriage was frightening.
I fought to hold on to her despite my premature contractions. She too fought hard and clung on to my womb.
At five months into my pregnancy, she was a child in me. M2 believes that her anxiety stems from almost losing her.
The unborn child in her remembers clinging on to the cord that connected her to life.