I was recently talking to a very dear male friend of mine(I'll call him Mr. P) about a variety of relationship issues, including how different men and women communicate on everything from expressing how they feel, to comparing partners(e.g. her husband buys her flowers every week, why don't you do that for me?) to issues related to sex and how to express what each other wants or needs. I told him I was going to start researching new topics(especially those on sexual desires and man vs. woman communication) for discussion and research to help me understand men better and at the same time, help me grow as a woman and writer.
One of the first few articles on men and sex I read was this one entitled 8 Things Men Want Women to Do in Bed. I read it and I immediately sent it to my adorable friend Mr. P and asked him if it was true that men wanted those things. He replied with an "uequivocal yes" to almost every item.
I was intrigued. Not surprised but intrigued. That caused me to want to respond from a woman's perspective. So I reflected back on some notes that I had from my many interviews with women for our books and other general conversations I've had when my girlfriends and I were sitting around drinking Patron Margarita's sharing our wish lists, and I decided to incorporate them here into a list.
So here it is...our list of 8 Things Women Want Men to Do in Bed(or before bed) and no, this list isn't all encompassing and no, it's not talking about what we want in a mate, and it's not talking about marriage, it's a short list of things many women would like from their partner in bed. That's it, that's all!
1) Foreplay(kissing-lips, neck, face, breasts etc). And other things we love and consider foreplay...being out dancing(kissing and touching in public) Huge turn on! Also simple things like fun and laughter during the day, sweet words and thoughtful deeds( flowers, perfume, lunch, dinner, a movie, laying on couch watching game together... ) all of these are "foreplay" to us.
2) We want our man to smell good, my personal favorite colognes on a man are: Creed(most all of them), most Armani frangrances and this one, Jean Paul Gaultier OMG! , if you don't have cologne, at least be fresh. Smells ignite the senses.
3) Talk to us...we want to hear what feels good before, during and after sex. Knowing we are pleasing you, pleases us too! Also, tell us that you think we are sexy, that you love our lips, our breasts, legs, butt or whatever, and say that when we make love. That is another huge turn on! And of course, if you are in love, say those words every woman wants to hear when making love "I love you"...but don't say it if it's not real. Just be in the moment and tell her how she makes you feel!
4) Take your time. Making love feels so good(And we sometimes take longer than you to get there). Don't be the first to reach climax every time. If you do, then be ready to go again and give us ours or bring it however you can(orally or otherwise). Yes, I said it! Women get tired of the "baby I am sorry, this has never happened to me before" lines.
5) A massage before, during or after intimacy is nice sometimes. It's not so much the massage technique, it's you touching our body tenderly that feels good.
6) Try different things every now and then(not always necessary but fun to try), ice, fresh fruit, whipped topping, honey, whatever is sexy and tastes/feels good. Games...(spin the bottle or whatever). Sex can be fun too!
7) Spend the night(if dating) to extend the night, if married, then of course that is a no brainer...cuddling, hugging, talking afterwards(if we are both awake and up to it)- we like that kind of stuff it makes us feel closer to you.
8) A bath or shower together (if both people are open to that), with added candles and music make it even nicer.
At the end of the day, all of us are searching for ways to spice up a new love life or reignite a long term one. Sex is just one aspect of our love lives but a very important one. We should do what we can to keep it exciting and passionate.
Causes Rhonda Frost Supports
American Red Cross, Hosea Feed the Homeless and Hungry, Battered Women's Shelters