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Thinking out loud
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Two things that my uncle often reminds me of when I visit him are that, "you are your own worst enemy" and "when someone else's problem becomes your problem, then you've got the problem."

These stand out at this moment because yesterday was a really good day at work. It was busy and somewhat stressful, but it felt manageable. The boss has been in really good spirits these days, more consistently so, and I really do hope it continues (knock-on-wood).

More so than ever, I feel that I'm finally, after years and years, getting much better at not taking things personally and I'm feeling the layers of self-doubt shed more and more.

There are aspects of my job that are great. I like the work itself–being an assistant seems to come second nature to me, but the industry is not my favorite. I also have noticed that I am beginning to possibly develop some physical issues in my dominant mousing hand and shoulder, as well as recurrent neck problems, which lead to stiffness and headaches.

Also, when it's back to slow season, since it gets really slow, there is not enough work for me to work my normal part-time schedule–and this becomes financially challenging.

In peering out to the future, and setting intentions, I do hope that I am able to keep my current job and find the perfect second part-time job that involves working with children in a pre-school setting. I've sung this song before, but this time the second job that I desire is different than the last time I jotted this down.

There's also the possibility of working toward being a full time pre-school teacher. I'm just not sure if I'd be able to handle all the energy for eight hours. There are still many things I need to consider. I do know that my body is speaking to me with regard to my current job and this could be the year for change.

Ironically, having a great day like yesterday, makes me feel that I don't want to leave my job.

Also, on the writing front, last year I wanted to submit a piece to see if it might be considered for publication. I didn't do it, but thought maybe I would do it this year. At this point, I've come to the conclusion that I truly don't have the desire to publish as an end. But I do still want to write on my blog. I still might send in my travel piece to see what happens. I suppose I desire going through the process more than anything.

In a way, I miss the days I wrote only in my notebooks, for my eyes only. I wrote more freely, less self-consciously. I still have those moments, just not as frequently. I might also be missing my walks.

I trust the process. I live for process. I know that the universe hears. I'm where I need to be, ready for new roads to open up.

Comments
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Nice journal entry Rebb.  I

Nice journal entry Rebb.  I think that in some aspects relating to work, you've described me!  Therefore I can relate...  Trusting in the "not knowing" can be hard but I see you as courageous and open to accepting what the comes your way with good reason.  You make it work and that's an important aspect of growth.  I hope you have many more good days ahead of you.

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Thanks for your

Thanks for your encouragement, Rina. It feels nice to at least be exploring and I'm feeling more patient with myself, which feels good.

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Rebbecca, Sounds like your in

Rebbecca,

Sounds like your in transition as well! It's hard to sit with it all; to wait and watch for the signs, to know which way to go. 

Trust the process and your gut instincts. You will be lead in the right direction, because you are careful and considerate of your intuition.

I hope that you find some relief for your physical issues. I can relate to a few of those myself.

Annette

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Thanks, Annette. Yes,

Thanks, Annette. Yes, transition seems to be upon me. I appreciate your encouraging words.

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I hear you.

Indecision and doubt. Looking forward and wondering. 

I agree with Annette (you and she of the twin double consonants), trust your instincts. Find some time to be quiet and listen to what your gut is telling you.

Hope it all works out for you, Rebbecca!

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Though I don't like

Though I don't like self-doubt hanging around too often, I suppose a good dose of her every now and them, keeps me on my toes and helps me move forward in some way.

Ah, yes–Annette and I are of the twin double consonants. Funny, that hadn't stood out to me before.

Thank you for your support, Jodi! I think you're right about finding some time to be quiet and listen to what my gut is telling me.

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Trust in your instincts and

Trust in your instincts and intuition, Rebbecca--you know yourself best.   Spring seems to be a time of reflection and decisions.  May good fortune smile upon you at whatever you decide. . .Cheers, J

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Hi Judee, So nice to see you

Hi Judee, So nice to see you here. Maybe, too, the natural reflective tone of winter is hanging onto the coattails of spring, offering a little kick to now begin to grow again.

Thanks very much for your encouragement and good wishes!