Sometimes everyday; sometimes almost everyday I shuffle the Tarot deck, sit cross legged on the bed facing the window. I spread the cards before me, close my eyes and choose with my heart, with my soul. Today, I pull the Queen of Cups: Master of emotional integrity. A beautiful card, watery, belladonna blue and turquoise greens; lilies, a pond, reflection. “As above, so below.”
Feeling fine; at peace, yes. I have also been wanting to express and explore the weeds, the dark brush, to look at, turn it round and round— or rather they’ve been knocking. And why is this? I sometimes feel this way and other times like that. I am happy; in some sort of balance, yet I have this desire to sashay across the tightrope, and to spin out into the chaos, to touch the torrential circle that spins and spins out of control.
I imagine its better if I write and share about it, lest some urge take hold…There is this life energy— combustible energy—but in a good way, in a way that wants to seep out, to dip into that black ocean and dive deeply below, to swim, swim, swim. I suppose it’s a way for me to experience the yin/yang of myself, even if its just through expression. I need to express all of me and I am ready—at least in this one moment—to release, even if in thought, thought that feels, that reaches for the lined pages. I want to go outside the lines, to crumble and crinkle up inside the lines and pages, to dance around inside their covers and let out this pent up energy, but what is the best outlet and where is it coming from? The need to let go—to go dancing with the night, to embrace myself, embrace all of me—the light and the dark; the sun and the moon.