She asks herself: Have you been closed off in some way?
She stops. She doesn’t know the answer. It draws her completely blank.
She has settled for her job, appreciative that she has one, yet knowing that much of the time her energies feel drained, her creative juices curtailed. She clings to the cloth of appreciation, thankful to have a job, thankful to have flexibility and a little extra time. But is she fully utilizing that extra time? She has sought out meaningful activities that involve doing some good. Even with those, there is an expectation on her part of wanting to make a difference, yet knowing and learning that a part of making a difference in her chosen way is by just being there. Said out loud, it makes sense. Put into practice, the challenges rise, of not knowing how to gauge her usefulness. Not knowing…Being useful. That is what she wants most to be, but she wants to be useful in a meaningful way.
This is the answer to her question: Patience, perseverance, intention, trust.
A man shared with her that he had a friend from his college days that was successful. I don’t know how he defined success. I suspect it was in the traditional fashion but also I think the man followed his passion. The man that shared with her said he regretted not following a different route. He wished he had taken drama, writing—any liberal arts courses. He lacked focus, he said. Never really knew what he wanted to be when he grew up; instead, he followed a practical route. She told him he could still take those classes. She said that it would be better to at least get a taste before he has later regrets when it’s too late—too late to satisfy his passion and curiosity in some small way. That would be regretful.
I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I have a feeling I will always work in a small office setting in some administrative capacity. I’ve often fantasized about what I would do if I won the lottery—say a million dollars. Would I change anything? I used to imagine giving money to my brother and uncle, a few charities, buy a house. I even wondered if I would quit my job given the chance. Hey, I won the lottery! Why not? My co-worker was a bit surprised when I actually had to think about it. For him, there was no question.
I have to admit that more recently when I’ve run this fantasy through my mind, I’m just as stuck as any normal day. I don’t know what I’d do, except maybe set aside money for a day when I may need to go into an assisted living facility. It’s a ways out there, but these are things I think about sometimes.
She found that it was time to draw a single card for the day from the Tarot deck. It had been a while. She fanned cards out on the table, closed her eyes…IV Trumps – The Emperor. A powerful card. (She uses the Aleister Crowley deck).
Whenever I post the card I choose for the day, I feel that the card is also for whomever may land here. I may have pulled it, but perhaps it also speaks to someone on someday.
A concise summary for the card from the Angeles Arrien Tarot Handbook to mull over is this:
The Emperor as an Outer Mirror
When you are drawn to the Emperor symbol or pull it from the deck, he represents the power of your owning and demonstrating your own leadership and paternal gifts. The Emperor indicates your ability to take care of yourself mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially.
He represents your ability to be responsible for your life style, career, and personal life. Basically, it is a good time to move, travel, resolve fatherhood issues or issues with Aries or paternal people in your life, to start new ventures, and to be open to new opportunities. It is an important time to stay in your power and not abandon yourself in anyway, yet experience new opportunity.
~To transformation and new beginnings with purity of heart~
~Peace & Love to all~
p.s. (The POV shifts couldn’t be helped. They felt natural and I kept them as the words decided to come out.)