I remember dating a particular guy in my early twenties. I believe he was at least ten years older. He had plans. He was planted firmly. He had a good story about how he paved his path to being a self-employed person in his trade. I was just a play thing, and it was quite short lived. What did I know? We went on a hike one day, found a spot to sit and take in our surroundings, to talk. He asked me one of the questions that I dreaded: “Where do you see yourself in five years?” Gulp. Giggles from me. “I don’t know” I said.
I think I pretty much knew at that point, that this relationship was done—if one can even call it a relationship.
It’s about 17 years later—almost, and when this question was posed to me recently, I didn’t feel dread, exactly, but I still didn’t have an answer like most people do. My reply was that I would probably still be taking classes, fueling my passion for learning. I know that I can learn on my own, and I try to do a fare amount of that, but there is something about the structure of a classroom, whether online or face-to-face, that I need, that I desire.
For my next adventure, I will be taking two courses in the Fall. I had enrolled in these courses at the same time I enrolled in the Summer speech course. I was actually going to take a Latin American literature course, but the instructor changed, and I figured I could take that later. My final decision was: Career and Life Planning and Beginning Film and TV Script Writing. I always love taking any type of English or writing courses and it had never occurred to me to take a script writing course at the community college. I said, “What the hell.” It’s an area that I have not explored in detail and one where I feel the structure would be beneficial, and I feel that I sometimes view the world through a lens of sorts.
I emailed the instructor with a concern of whether this was a good fit for me. His reply put me at ease. He provided me with a syllabus and this is how he closed his email to me, “If you like to create characters and get them into trouble and see how they work their problems out you should enjoy the process… At its best it is poetry.” I felt my juices fire up. Also I realized that inspiration came from, some time ago, reading and viewing Red Room author, writer, scriptwriter, and filmmaker, Abdelwahab Hammoudi’s blog. Seeds are everywhere and one never knows when they will circle back or begin sprouting.
I told myself that I will go in with an “empty cup” and I will try not to have expectations, but enjoy the journey of both courses. I have done a fair amount of processing what I want to do with my life and how can I bring my passions together. Apparently, I’m still working on it. I recently started re-reading, “How to Find the Work you Love” by Laurence G. Boldt, just as an appetizer. I feel like where I’m at right now, my mind is more receptive and maybe even a little more prepared to surrender. I know that I love creativity and life and people. I also know that I still need to develop my self-confidence, so with that, the journey continues. I would feel empty without learning, processing, sharing, creating. I feel that I’m in a continuous state of flux and that I am always at the crossroads. I suppose that’s not such a bad place to be.