where the writers are
An Intuitive Exercise in Decision Making
Opening.JPG

I wrote a good deal in my personal morning pages. I didn't realize I had so much to get out. My penciled words started out small and controlled, and when I was two pages through, my handwriting had grown considerably larger and sloppier and I was having trouble keeping up with the words and I was fully aware of the state of flow; at the same time, I followed the words without tripping over thought. This was a good morning page in that I cleared my slate of what may have been cluttering up my thoughts.

Recently, at the change of certain events, I had a decision to make and I felt certain that I knew the answer, yet I needed to send it through another decision making process and called back an exercise I first did in a class called "Creativity and Intuition." I reached for my sketch pad, drew a line down the middle, and wrote the two decisions that were competing for my attention on the top of the page. One would have to be given up for now and I also had to see how I felt about it, in general, from my intuitive, subconscious self. Under each decision, I began doodling without thinking, I jotted a few random words, more doodles, squiggles. I started with one decision, then moved to the other; the answer was forming and it was clear which had to be let go. I also had the choice of maintaining both, but I needed to examine if this would be the best decision or would it be best to carry on with only the one without first knowing the outcome of the other. It was interesting to see the difference between each doodle--hatch marks and X's for one, while the other had fluid, calming shapes and designs. I realized that even if decision A did not work out, by the symbols I saw before me, my intuition was communicating to me what was below the surface and I knew why there had previously been hesitation for decision B. I hadn't done this exercise in quite some time and it felt good to see my decision confirmed in a different language.

**

Temperatures are supposed to reach the hundreds today. It already feels hot. I haven't gone outside, yet I can feel the heat trickling in through the open window.

I took this photo over the weekend. When I sat looking up at the tree with the sun beaming through the leaves, it felt like a slice of heaven; calling me to slip through the opening, to glide on the leaves burning with the fire of the sun--lighting them, as they lighted my soul.

Comments
4 Comment count
Comment Bubble Tip

Another beautiful, inspiring

Another beautiful, inspiring post.  I love your writing.  There is purity (alas, an old-fashioned concept) in it.

On the subject of decisions, have you ever seen a British film called Martha, Meet Frank, Daniel and Laurence? I shan't spoil it for you but Ray Winstone has a brilliant line about the difficulty of making decisions, in it.

When I was a teacher, my students often used to ask my advice on personal matters (goes with the territory).  So I took to telling them to toss a coin for it.  They protested, "but how can I let a coin decide something so important?!" I told them it wasn't about doing what the coin said but seeing HOW you reacted to the way the coin fell.  Are you happy with it being heads/tails? Or not? Now you know what you really want to do.

 

Comment Bubble Tip

Thank you so very much for

Thank you so very much for your kind words, Katherine.

I have not heard of the film, but I'm going to have to look it up and see if I can rent a copy.

That is a wise idea with the coin. I reevaluated my two decisions after writing in my personal journal and I figured that the outcome of both decisions could actually compliment each other. I think at the bottom of my hesitation is /was fear. I think I'm feeling more certain. I still have time of I change my mind again. My hesitation may also be fear of commitment to the process.

Maybe I should toss a coin. I did also pull a Tarot card today and it solidified my reevaluation to embrace both decisions now. We'll see.

Thanks again for your kind words and for reading.

Comment Bubble Tip

toss a coin!

Well, Katherine, I think that's brilliant. It registers your first reaction!

Yes, Rebbecca, it sounds like you see the value in the toss for making decisions too.

Commitment is difficult. It can be so long range, so limiting--but so exciting, so fulfilling. I'm sure you'll find the means to make the decision that works best for you.

Peace.

Comment Bubble Tip

Thank you for your thoughts,

Thank you for your thoughts, Dolores.

Peace to you too.