The pain was unrelenting. The arthritic pain in my hips had gone beyond that threshhold where I felt I could deal with any pain that came about. I was wrong. It grasped me. The pain had finally won. Day by day I fight back the tears of pain that engulf me and yet today I could not beat it. It won. Finally.....after days of unrelenting fighting...the pain finally won. She (my best friend in the world) helped me up to this point and yet today...I lost my fight.
In 1980, I began a hobby that would eventually consume me. I became a long distance runner. Over the next 20+ years I would run 14,300+ miles and run over 200 road races which would include 1 milers, 2 milers, 5ks, 5 milers, 10ks, 15ks, 10 milers, half marathons and finally the marathon of 26.2 miles. I felt a love for a sport that was all my own. I needed no coach. I just needed good shoes and motivation. In the army, out of 48 2-mile runs, I finished 2nd in only 2. The other 46 I won every time. Yet today, I carried an arm load of wood from the barn to the house and I cringed with every step. I could feel it coming last week with every step at work, that had me fighting back the tears of pain when I would just simply reach for a part that weighed no more than a few ounces. When I grabbed a lot that weighted over 75 lbs and moved it 20 feet, I felt like I was moving a ton for over a mile. I don't know what to do. I live on the thresh-hold of pain around the clock. The damp days are the worst.
There was a time when I would have said that those who marvel about their pain being worse on the "damp" days are just "blatting". I hate those damp days. And... I am sorry for all that feel what I feel. There is no relief from this pain but to have my hips replaced. I know this is what I face and I know that the days ahead will tell the tail as I make it from where I am to where I want to be. The marathon of my life is drawing closer and I will be facing that starting line as the surgeons put me to sleep and begin their procedure. I am scared...yet I know I cannot take this much longer. Running once made me the most powerful person I could ever imagine being. Yet today it has made me the weakest person I know. The pain has become more than I can handle. It wins..........I must now make the toughest decision of my life.