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Memoir in Pink: What Type of Parent Are You?
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Part of this year's project - the whole point of writing Memoir in Pink - is to think about parenting in a focused way.  Not just babies and children, but the work of parenting.  This week I'm thinking about why we choose to be parents. I think people fall in one of two camps.  Some people understand in their soul that children can teach them things.  They know that a child will teach them more about themselves than they can learn on their own.  I remember a fall when my oldest son was just a little over two.  We stood for hours collecting and sorting gold, orange and yellow leaves.  He loved them.  I loved him for loving them - for teaching me to notice how beautiful the world is.  Some people have children to learn about themselves - but I think some people also have children to help them forget about themselves.  This would be the second camp. After thirty plus years of ruminating on the same hopes, fears, worries and ambitions the decision to have children is a conscious decision to focus on something else for awhile.  I little like joining the army - or a cause - or maybe even a cult.  I remember reading an interview with Brad Pitt once, where the interviewer asked him if parenting was tough.  He said something like "not really.  you know I had like forty-five years to focus on myself.  I'm kinda over me."  I remember nodding "oh yeah" and showing the interview to my husband.I can't decide which camp I really belong to.  How about you?  Why did you sign up for this parenting gig?  Or maybe it’s not like being an Elvis fan or a Beatles fan (to paraphrase Quentin Tarantino) maybe, it’s possible to be both?  I'd love to hear your thoughts. 

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Is that not the question of our times? More often, were you thinking at all before you ventured into such a daunting endeavor? Like salmon swimming up river following an insatiable lure, do it do it do it. It doesn't always end in fruitful achievement. The salmon often end up stranded in a shallow pool or hanging from a Grizzly clutch wondering if that is not more comforting than continuing the lunatic migration to someplace supposedly, the only place, to spawn. I'm sure many follow an innate draw to procreate as a duty, whether a gnawing gut feeling or ingratiated idea learnt along the way. The question, why am I having these kids must evolve as the parenting process progress's. How much does your mind change after carrying, having, then raising the first one through the first and second fun-filled years. Yea, I agree, I wouldn't trade those years with any of my three kids but you have to admit- If you thought yourself a superb example of patience and poise before you experienced those beautiful self-questioning years you realize now, what child's play that level of patience and poise was compared to a newly rigor elevated level. That is learning from your child that I'm sure you don't think about before you sign on the dotted line, agree? Learning to not talk but more importantly not command discussion because you can't deal with uncomfortable silence has to be my biggest lesson from all of my kids. 24, 22 and 6, each one has the ability to cast a stare that translates so elliquently "really, your serious, dude just fricken chill,jeez!" I see that as one of the most destructive behavior patterns plaguing the parental process today. I'm uncomfortable with silence so instead of appreciating an individuals right to chill and ponder, I'm demanding an accounting of yourself or else!!! Anyways I'm getting carried away, great question!!!