where the writers are
pet care, bulk candy, and a bra

I’m a man – well, I’d like to think so. I have desires as other men do (particularly those heterosexually inclined), but I always blink in surprise at the emails I end up netting in my junk email folder. Today, I got an offer from the bra boutique for the bra styles that I want, giving me the comfort and support I need. Strapless. Seamless. Sporty. Sexy. I was invited to browse the latest styles to select sizes from AA to LL (I guess the feminine lingerie alphabet doesn’t go all the way to ZZ?). All I had to do to find my bra was to choose my pattern, color, and support level (I’m guessing AA needs less support than ZZ?) while comparing top brands and prices. I can just imagine myself pretty in pink, wonderful in white, beautiful in blue, orgasmic in orange, younger in yellow... with a sizzling style, I’ll find them all for less! Very practical yet sexy bras await my discerning eye to fit my body type (male?) and my lifestyle (non-cross-dressing?). Do I really want to save big on the sexiest and sleekest bras by finding quality name-brand bras for less? My nipples are tingling in pre-support anticipation! 

What of buying candy in bulk? How do they know I have a sweet tooth that needs satisfying on a grand scale by ordering gourmet candy online? Finding my favorite flavor jelly bean is only limited by my imagination as they have exactly every flavor I can imagine (imagine that!). 

And lastly, getting an email from America’s most affordable pet pharmacy just makes me want to go out and buy a dog in a cage. For in Taiwan (where I have lived for almost eight years now), that is exactly where most pets spend most of their time alive – living in some kind of protective custody behind bars, behind an imported wilting flower of once-glorious beauty left in the Asian tropical sun too long. I can get free shipping on orders of $35 or more, along with the pet care low price guarantee. By shopping now I get to save big bucks on frontline with their 20% discount!  

Should I click on that imbedded link and the ensuing purchase buttons? My wife’s in the other room and the temptation is growing stronger the more I re-read this junk with flabbergasted expressions running all over my face. Maybe I could get a dog and a bra. My wife may never find either if I keep plying her with gourmet jelly beans in bulk. You never know, one man’s junk is another man’s perfectly balanced lifestyle.  

Wish me luck! Click!

1 Comment count
Comment Bubble Tip

Technology hasn't caught up......


I feel your pain. I've had the same problem at some of the places I frequently shop.

I wrote about it here: http://elegyandirony.wordpress.com/2009/09/24/catching-up-to-tomorrow/

I'm happy to say that DSW (the shoe retailer) no longer offers me coupons for high heels and purses. They do seem to have gotten gender specific on marketing.

I'm just surprised, with all of the date being collected, that more companies haven't figured this out. It's not like it would be exponentially more expensive, especially in email marketing. But like TV advertising, where the business is still assumed to be young women 18-34, many places focus all of their marketing on that group as well, not realizing that men actually go to retail stores, too.